Saturday, 10 January 2015

Guilty

Guilt.. Gut wrenching soul ripping guilt. Guilt like I took something that doesn't belong to me. I stole it and I'm living it. Life, I stole life. That's how I feel every time I hear a person lost their life to Cancer. Neighbor's father passed away in London and all I feel is Guilt.

I survived. He died. I stole an other life. That's how I feel and no amount of talk can change it. I know he's destined to die and I'm destined to survive and no one has a say in it apart from God.

But I cannot help it. I feel guilty. Guilt is ripping through me. I'm being irrational.. I know. But I'm shamed with guilt.



2 comments:

Mrs.Eng said...

I am sorry I can't help as I feel the exact same thing all time long. It seems, somehow, that all cancer survivors share this weird feeling since we appreciate the meaning of life way better/deeper than everybody else does. I have read many and many articles regarding the guilt and how to cop with that, then moving on. Conclusion of it all states that it is important to remember that although feelings of guilt are common, it is not healthy to dwell on them.

From another prospective, you should always remember that you have had an effective touches on me during chemotherapy days, the unconditional love as well as support I received helped me much to move on and keep happy strong and calm.

Please keep raising this awareness and memories around as you have always done, that will help many others apart from me to cover and get better.

With my great love and appreciation to you, always and forever.

The Eng.

thornhalo said...

I'm sorry you feel this way. *hugs*
May he rest in peace.