Thursday, 7 October 2010

Hell of ALL Hells

How do I put this in words? It was indescribable, it ranks 3rd most painful experience in my life. 1. Bone marrow biopsy. 2. Peg injection to boost my immune system (like a million bees stinging u all at once). 3. 11th Chemo.

Dear lord have mercy it was painful, enshala3 galby mn mokana, t3athabt 3athab ma ba3da 3athab! Lo thab7a alf wa7id atwqa3 Alah ghafarly on tuesday :'(

God has blessed me with an amazing 6th sense, from the moment I woke up I knew it I felt it, that it won't be a good day but I tried telling myself don't be such a pessimist! I dunno when I'll start listening to my gut! I'll spare you the entire day action cuz I'm too tired to write. It started with the first cannula, nurse puts it in and it aches, but I thought FourMe stop being a kid shut it and tolerate a bit of pain, seeing you don't have any veins left. Well I wasn't being a kid and the pain escalated and had to have it taken out. And have a second one put in. Some more dunking arm in boiling water and we barely find a vein.. I take 3 chemo's and now time for the final 4th one which by itself takes an hour. Nurse hooks it up and I scream like I never screamed before! Slowed it down from an hour to 1.5 hours PAIN, over 2 hours more screams and pain, 2.5 hours still indescribable pain so had to be removed.

That was one scream and cry from 5:30 till 8pm. I cried for my life. I cried for 5 months of chemotherapy torture. I cried for 5 months of nausea. I cried for 2 tumours worth. I cried for my youth. I cried for my life that hasn't begun and seeing literally get shattered in front of my eyes. I cried for having cancer at 29. I cried for every pain and ache I experienced this year. I cried for 3 hours non-stop..

In between all the crying they had to cannulate me for the 3rd time. I don't have any veins left on right arm, and left arm I didn't let them take blood from my hand and took from upper arm. Meaning if they use the wrong vein the chemo will literally squirt out of my arm! Rabi r7amny and they found a vein and finished rest of chemo. In between that a doctor had to come and prescribe morphine for the pain. 3 nurses were working on me. A lady infornt of me taking chemo started crying everytime they cannulate me, I'd look at her and she would cross her fingers in hope they'd find a vein.

One of nurses came over and told me what have you done to your nurse?! Apparently the woman was having a nervous breakdown from how much I broke her heart! My friend was trying to make me comfortable while I see her tears drop on my chair. I kept crying and laughing in the same time. I laughed at how hopeless I was and cried at how helpless I was. I cried cuz I was battling friggin chemo to the last drop!

Since tuesday I've been in a daze and still am. I need more time to recover. I have nothing more to say apart from wait for God's mercy..

12 comments:

Anony said...

*HUG*

Anony said...

il7emdellah 3ala kel 7al

Lala said...

قال تعالى : { إنما يوفى الصابرون أجرهم بغير حساب

Anonymous said...

and now u made me cry too :p
alla byshafech inshalla and u'll get thru this

Anonymous said...

ya allah ya rby ma 3gb hal3thab ela elfaraj w el97a :) allah yeshfeech w y3eench

Social Butterfly said...

Your fit for this challenge ;**
Rabee e9abrrech..

*hugs*

q8othug said...

im so sorry to hear that you had to suffer this much at the very last moment of therapy. rest now and release all that anguish and hurt out. if you say that you have a sixth sense and a good gut feeling well so do it: i (know) that you will make it. that it will turn out fine and that the nightmare will end

*giant soul crushing HUG*

:'>

Anonymous said...

ana adre enech mat7eben engol shofay eflana teshafat o shofay flana en3arefha sarlaha kait o kait , bs maykhalef hl marra sm3ene shwaaya bs , hathy wa7da etserlena sar feha cancer mashallah mashallah enas etro7laha ena thayga khloghom 3laiha wehya mebtasma wetgool : ena allah yabe e7e6ne ebmanzela wayed 3alya 3nda wethaher a3male ma kanat etwaselne ley hl martaba fa ebtalane eb hl marath 3ashan at7ammal wasber wakhth ajer wosal le hl manzela elle yabene allah osalha o mashallah t7amelat len khalesat kl elchemo therapy wal7een chenha elbakhaat . sara7a wayed 3ejabne kalamha wenshala eb kl alam ga3da ete2alemena ga3da takhthen feeh ajer 3ashan eser mokanch bljanna a3la wa3la , o alaha eshafeech ya raab weser hatha kella thekra etethakerenhaa .

lattoofa

Noora said...

lich il ferdoos il a3la yarab ;***

o lich inshallah il sa7a o 6olat il 3omir ib 7eelich wala e7ojich 7q '3eera, wefare7 gulb omich feech o yajber ib 5a6rich o 5a6erha, wejazeech ib sabrich o ya'3sil ib marathich kil thnobich ...

sob7anah eshloon sa5arlich 3bada, shlon athkirich bil salat wana 7atta ma3arfich!!!
la b2s 6ahor inshallah... u will always always be in my prayers

lostgirl said...

:( im still keeping you in my prayers SALAMAT </3

Glitter said...

وانتي ضعيفة وبأقصى أعماق الألم
وظلمة الاحباط

تذكري ان لج محبين
ما نسوج لحظة

ما تعرفينهم ولا يعرفونج
بس يتابعون أخبارج بكل لهفة
ومن أعماق قلوبهم لج يدعون

وكلنا نمد ايدنا لج بظهر الغيب
ونسندج لى آخر المشوار




الله يفرحنا فيج قريب ان شاء الله
ياااا رب

:***

Anonymous said...

Its not time yet... not yet... you have put up a brave fight and you can kick its butt.Cancer is not what you wanted to get what you want.It will pass.