Saturday, 9 October 2010
- Annnnnnnnndd I'm FREE :D Free from what you might be asking? Free from the hellish days of chemo, or more commonly known as the "bad days".. I kid you not when I say it is that of jail.. From the second they disconnect the chemo machine I enter a trance.. A trance where I'm awake yet not awake, aware yet not aware, all I hear is a gushing sound in my ears.. I cannot concentrate on anything even if my life dependant on it, I tend to ramble and unable to complete sentences.. I cannot walk a straight line :/ I feel like I'm locked in a glass container or in a bubble secluded from everyone yet I am around them. By the 2nd day depression hits, I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper, it is indescribable, it is one of the most horrible feelings ever.. I don't even want to go into detail and explain how it feels because it is truly suffocating.. Nonetheless its Sat morning and there you go I've broken free from my captive.. The horrid chemo! Mind you I'm still not fully recovered, as fatigue, and loss of taste, and exhaustion, but I am OUT of that well! Thank God for that.. Alf ALLLLFFFF il7amdillah :)
- Ok so am near the end inshallah.. Yet I am worried as hell I would need more treatment.. Inshallah khair and inshallah I won't need more..
- I got one comment from DuchessX asking "oh and any inspiring moments that kept u going!" Well my dear, life kept me going. Life itself in its beauty and ugliness in its pain and happiness.. I have so much I want to achieve that I am no where near hiding under my bed and not taking every goddamn treatment there is to rid me of this monster.. Inshallah no one goes through it but the second you hear on the phone you have cancer, your world Halts! Complete and utter stop, choice is you die, or live? Its either or.. I chose to live and pay the highest of high prices of pain and torture.. i wouldn't wish Chemotherapy on Hitler from how painful it is.. Yet if this is what it takes to keep me alive and kicking then trust me i will take it and take it while standing.. yes it has brought me to my knees and shattered me, ruined me, and destroyed parts of me, yet I tell you its damn worth it.. Worth waking up one day knowing you don't have a deadline on your life.. Yes we could all drop dead any second but it ain't the same when you've got this horrid illness.. I hope i answered your question and made sense, in my head it does but don't forget am still dazed from chemo :/
- Oh and you see that picture above? Yes that is exactly how I feel after the hellish days pass.. I feel freedom.. I feel alive again like I have just been pulled out of the land of the dead.. Dear God how horrible it is on that end.. Yet for now, for tomorrow, for this second I am alive and kicking.. I will kick and kick and kick and kick till I kick this bastard out of me! Huh!! Cancer!? Just watch and see you damned disease.. I SHALL BEAT YOU INSHALLAH!!