Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Chemo-12! THE FINALE!!

- You know the drill, I'll surface back up again in couple of days..
- Tried to sum it up in short.. It all started here:

"Happy birthday to me. I turned 29.
And I just found out I have cancer." Kicked off back in May when I was told I have Stage 4 Cancer.. And that's when the journey started, 5 months of utter hell, pain, and struggle..

I FourMe withstood Stage 4 Cancer, 2 tumours, affected lymph nodes, liver, spine, abdomen, part of bones lower back. Muscle aspiration (biopsy, while awake). Operation for 3 biopsies. And the MOST PAINFUL experience on the planet Bone Marrow Biopsy :'(

Withstood a YEAR long of PAIN along with being unable to diagnose. 12 Chemotherapy sessions! 2 suffocations. Lung failure scares. Hundreds of blood tests. Blacking out. Humiliation. Breathlessness. Hair loss. Change in figure. Endless X-Rays, MRI's, CT-Scans, and PET scan. Possibility of never having children. Shoulder scare. Pains and aches. Depression. Tiredness. Lethargy. Exhaustion. Heart scare. CONTINUOUS NAUSEA for 6 months! Medication from 7 to 21 pills a day!! PEG injection (most painful injection on planet).

Had 10 and 20 year long friends stop asking about me because I'm sick! My supposed love of my life and soulmate ex, heard I have cancer and did NOT even send me a text msg saying salmat (probably he forgot the time I held his hands while he was scared to have blood tests done)!! Some other so called friends backed off gradually.

Withstood seeing the pain I'm causing my mother and her desperation of seeing her only daughters' life threatened with Cancer. Pain caused aunts and loved ones.

Withstood signing papers consenting to chemotherapy and acknowledging the damage it could cause me, terminal damage and fatality.. And took OFF my bra in Marks & Spencer's food hall !

What have you been up to in the last 5 months? I tell you one thing I went to hell and I came back.. I was tortured in every way possible, physically, mentally, and emotionally.. I've learned more in 5 months than I have learned in 29 years..

I learned that I am beyond strong esmillah 3alay, I learned I can go through anything and come out standing. I learned that when God loves you he tests you.

Dear God, my only wish and hope is I won't need more than 12 sessions and I will be cured with your will. If this is not what you want I fully accept it and willing to go through what you have destined for me. I feel young I want to do so much yet if you have other plans for me then so be it. Thank you God for my family, friends, and wonderful strangers who were there for me during this extremely rough time. Thank you for my cancer, thank you for my pain that taught me to be happy, thank you for letting me go through so much chemo and still come out of it alive and kicking. Alf ALF ALF il7amdillah 3ala n3mtik. Alf il7amd lik ya rabi alf il7amd :)

My results should come out end of November.. Till then I FourMe am eternally grateful to each person that left me a comment, email, tweet, or prayed for me in silence.. Thank you, you made a sick girl very happy during the roughest time in her life, much appreciated and God will reward you one way or the other for your generosity :*

I am 29 years old and I WILL beat Cancer with God's will before I'm 30 INSHALLAH!!

Alf ALF il7amdillah..

FourMe Over and OUT :)


chika said...

el 7amdilla 7abebti :* this is the best news I got today :D

Anonymous said...

el7emdeeeeeeeellaah ;D mabrook mabroook khallasty elchemo wenshalla u'll not another course

wenshala allah be3awthech khair 3n kl elle maraity feeh
love u ;*


Diva;* said...

alf il 7mdilaaaaaa ;**** i prayed for you alot mabroook inshallah m5al9a chemo w inshallah ib 2ithn allaah tkuneen m5al9aa and to all the friends and soulmates ilee wa5iraw 3anich during the time u needed them the most tell them to stick their heads in the ground they should be ashamed 3aaiib oo 7araam at least u found out who ur true friends really are ... this is probably the best news ive heard <3!! Ill pray for you inshallah ur test results get back positive ya raab .. you are probably one of the strongest people ive met u r my role model I love you :**

Dont.Dwell said...

I literally got goosebumps,

i can't believe its been 5 months, walla china ams ily i was reading ur post about unbearable back pains oo b3adain all the possible diseases oo how some bloggers wouldnt accept it oo kept saying u might be mis-diagnosed,

madry shagool,

Ur one strong girl and were all proud of u,

ya rabee yshafeech wytamem 3alaich sa3adtch

U sure got an attitude.. the best one out there *hug*


swera said...

wooot woooot alf el7mdellah ya rb, rabbi yashfeech mn ha zeft hatha, o y3aw'6ech mn elli mayeswa wella madaraw 3annech o yarzegech bethoreya e9al67a ya rb golay ameeeen! ya rb :D

nshallah this will be a memory in ur life where u'll remember and n c how it changed ur life to the better nshallah!

yallah ya rab, nesm3 el a5bar el a7la wel a7la, u're cancer free and getting back home :****

za'3rooo6aaa ya dal3adiiii :P

Snuffy said...

il7amdillaa :) Very happy for you.. Inshallah you kick cancer's ass and never have to deal with it again. :)

Here's a little TEDTalks video that I'd like to share:


RainDrop said...

I really hope this is the end of it, cuz

1. u deserve it
2. my bday is the end of the month too :P so i really wish it's a happy ending to a bad era to both of us. me not as bad as u, bas u know what i mean, right?

ur strong, u inspired all of us.

Whenever i go thru shit, i remember u and tell myself if she can go through whatever she's going thru and still get to make fun of it. I can overcome any obstacle too..

You have taught me to b stronger and positive. You were an inspiration.



ولاّدة سابقاً ... رانيا السعد ...رانية المنيفي حسب الأوراق الرسمية said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ولاّدة سابقاً ... رانيا السعد ...رانية المنيفي حسب الأوراق الرسمية said...

لم تهزمي هذا المرض فقط بل هزمتِ الكثير من المفاهيم الخاطئة في نفوس قرائك ومتابعيك

روعة قوتك عزيزتي في قدرتها على زرع القوة في قلوب الآخرين

لقد عشنا بك ومعك أيام تعلمنا بها الكثير..بكينا..وتأثرنا..ودعونا..وتفاءلنا...ووقعنا في حب الحياة مجدداً هنا على صفحات مدونتك

لقد قلت لك في تعليق سابق اننا كبشر نأخذ نصيبنا من الشقاء...والسعيد السعيد من يحيل ذلك الشقاء إلى دروس وعبر ليس لذاته فحسب بل لمحيطه

تأكدي عزيزتي أن من خسرتِ كان مقدر لهم أن يترجلوا من قطار حياتك عاجلاً أم آجلاً..واعلمي أن من ركبوا قطارك في هذه المحطة المفصلية قد يكونوا أكثر وفاءاً ودفئاً

رعاك الله وثبتك ووهبك كل ما تستحقين من صحة وفرح وتألق

falantan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
falantan said...


You did it! heeey!

Rumaitha said...

Alf Al7amdillah..!! This is the most happy news I've heard in over a few weeks. I pray the results turn out to your advantage inshallah..!!

Danderma said...

Kololololoooooooooooooooooooosh ybaab ybaaab!


Yours Truly said...

*Weeeheeeeeeeeeeeew *hug hug hug hug hug and jumping* nshalla ya rab ya alla ya kareem mate7tajain another chemo ya rab walla you've been through hell and back like you stated it! Nothing shall bring you down now NOTHING! :*

الزين said...

من البوست اللي فات مو قادرة اكتب شي



احبك في الله


reemas said...

please allow me to re-post this post in my blog.
God be with u and heal u inshallah.

Social Butterfly said...

Il7amdilla Im very happy for you... Inshallah yaa rab you hear the words "your cancer free" very very soon.. Yaa rab eshafeech wesahel 3alaych.. rabee yakteb ilee fee il5ayr.

the boudoir. said...

alf il7imdilaa! ur doooone! im excited as u r! china ana ili im doing it..uve enduuuuureed for too long still doing it..and inshallah ur november results will make us officially celebrate for u ya raaab u will b cancer free forever..

we r always here for u! like u were for me! and dont ever feel bad for the ones who forgot u..u gained more than u have bargained for thru this..u know the truth about them at least..

and im so happy that u r at least happy! 3asallah ykhali ayamich intay and ur mom kilaha fara7 wiy3awthiiich bildinya wilakhra:**

reemas said...

one of my readers comment on ur post:


I am happy and very proud of you, Got a courage to overcome the many things
Remember that everything is from God placed in your best interest
God does not afflict a person from a vacuum, but tests of love, and God loves you

I am really happy and admires your courage
There are people healthy, but they do not have the thing that you have the courage

Be happy always and forever

Kisses for you

BeNT JaBeR :)

MushuThaLohari said...

Alf, alf, ALF el hamdu li Allah w mabrouk, FourMe!

You are still in my prayers, insha Allah. Stay strong and keep your head held up high (:

moi said...

alf mabroooooook ;****************** alf el7amdella weshker!!! yallaa gomay sallay rik3itain shukir ahoo :D , im sooo soo soo happy for you 7abeebti ;*** as much as this post made me cry it made me sooo happy, yarabbii etkoon akhir el marath.., ur an inspiration to all of us o allaa yi3lim enich kentai part eb kil salaat..love u


BlackTulip said...

Way to go girl , mashalla , i admire your courage & faith ..

praying that your result will be ( Cancer FREE ) inshalla ..

Alla esahhil omorich w eshafeech w e3afeech ,, aaameen ..

awashah22@gmail.com said...

yarab enshalah tkoneeen cancer free btkoon the best gift for my 26th bday i wish u all the best o glooooobna wyach e will all pray for u and cross our fingers

Anonymous said...

yalla hanat enshaalaaa. i wish u the best o ad3eelich eb kel 9alaaaaty.

Sweet Revenge said...

الف الحمد لله علي سلامتج :)
شدّة وبتزول بواحد احد وراح نحتفل معاج بعيدج الثلاثين
لج كل الحب والود وربي يتمم عليج هالعقل والايمان
وبشرينا عنج

Anonymous said...

I'm speachless , fingers freezed on keybord, don't know what to say ! fear mixed with joy .. can't explain . i'm so happy for you :~)

WELL SAID ولادة ! u have officially gained a new reader :)


Bu D3aiYy~ said...

way to go.. ive been reading your blog n never wrote you a thing.. but today i cant not to wrote.. i must write.. you show strength.. you show attitude.. fuck being weak... you taught me how to be strong.. I AM strong because of Y O U!! Keep going! you need to be going! stay strong! Fuck Weakness!! Fuck being Weak.. and.. yes Happy Bday =p

dying2die said...

Assalam Alaikum
May ALLAh SWT heal you completely Allahumma aaameeen

I have been sick, but in a different, at the moment I have around 6 breast tumors which they are guessing to be benign, but now my bone doctor is doubtful as I suffer from bones and joints pain also.
Indeed your attitude made me think differently, I am sure your family was there to support you, you wanted to see them smile at least. but u know when i got diagnosed with breast tumor at age 20 my family went saying "so what", I went and got admitted myself at the hospital for my surgery, and i was the only patient who did not have a family member with me before the surgery. LoL but Alhamdulillah I am surviving at the moment I have at least 6 tumors in both breasts, and I actually dont care anymore how its progressing.
I pray humbly to ALLAh SWT to heal you, u at least spread positive vibes, u make people smile, u deserve to live ... *hugs* i luv u for the sake of ALLAH SWT alone, though I don't know u yet I have tears in my eyes for u.
get well soon

reemas said...

here r some of the coments i got from my post about ur post :)

Hanan whatever
الله يشافيها ويخليها لأهلها ويحفظها

أميرة عربية
قلبي الله يثبتها و يعينها و يرفع معنوياتها و يشفيها يا كريم يامعافي

Sweet Revenge
الله ياجرها في هالمرض اللعين
حبيت صدقها وقوتها يارب يشفيها
واسئل الله رب العرش العظيم ان يشفيها

Anonymous said...
Mom went through the same misery and more.She defeated cancer 11 years ago..she's now "forever young"...
عسى فالج مثل فالها يا

Dr.Huda Al-Mahdi

Well Wisher said...

Yatny ilbachya! Omg FourMe I am so so so so so proud of you!!!! Alf 7amd oo shikr ya rab 3ala fathlik oo ni3mitik!!! il7imdillah ily raby nejjach oo ya rab hathy akhir ila7zan fi 7ayatich ya rab..
Inshallah raby yi3awthich 3ala every single feeling of pain you experienced, ajer oo sa3ada oo 9u7a oo ra7at ilbal fil dinya wil akhra ya rab! After all raby gal Sub7anah:

{فإنّ مع العسر يسرا * إنّ مع العسر يسرا}

:D Inshallah itbashreena ASAP inich you're cancer free!

Take care of yourself till then! *Hug*

Touch My Soul said...

Il 7imdillah 3al salama :)

I'm so proud of you!!!!!

You made my day :D

Karamilah said...

7imdillah 3al salamah w ajer w 3afyah. Allah yb3d kil shar 3anch w y36eech il97ah wil3afyah.

a la Mocha said...

il7imdila 3ala salamtich! :) Hope u bounce back, even better than ever inshala! :)

Jacqui said...

Congrats hon o inshalla inshalla inshalla it'll be the last one and u would find that everything has disappeared ya rab enshalla etreden elkuwait eb salama :D

Anonymous said...


Congrats baby and happy birthday!!

Yara said...

ألف الحمدالله على سلامتج يا بطلة

FoToHoLiC SpiRiT said...

el 7amdlilla 3ala salamtich

walla 3afya 3alaich o 3asa allah yifar7ich ib 3omrich o inshalla tshoofeen kl 5air ya rab




FoToHoLiC SpiRiT

Sabeehah said...

Assalamu Alaikum. Jus stumbled across ur blog now so hv only read your most recent post - Alhamdullilah, its so awesome 2 see u so positive:) may Allah grant u a complete and speedy recovery! Remember Allah only tests those that He loves =) maasalaam

Anonymous said...


1001Nights said...

ba3ad 3omree... just wanna give u the hugest hug.:*

Sarah A7md said...

اول شي الحمدالله على انتهائك من جلسات الكيماوي يااااااارب عقبال ما تفرحينا بانك قضيتي على السرطان بكبره

ثاني شي سبحان الله ! امر المؤمن كله خير

في مرضك
علمتيني اشياء كثيره
الرضا والقناعه

واني احمد ربي دائما

تابعت لك بصمت
وكنتي من ضمن دعائي في صلواتي

thumbs up
w keep ur strength up <3

radiantguy.com said...

Congrats and 3l 7amdlillah...God news to hear and what's greater is your spirit.

Keep it up ALWAYS

Anonymous said...

This is the first time i check ur blog...

and i can honestly say that im genuinely happy that your fine "inshalla"... wo 3asa allah ytamim 3alaich si7itich.. wo y5aleech li2ahlich..

i truly admire ur strength.. true inspiration for any whiney person who doesnt thank god for the simplest things...

and never mind the ppl who stopped talking to u... bil3aks u should be more than happy cuz u now have the ppl who TRULY love u for u ...

a new fan of yours..

shariefa :-)