Tuesday, 25 May 2010

i want my hair

They say by the 2nd session of chemo the hair will start to fall off.. My next one is on the 1st of June. Before the 1st session I chopped 3/4 of its length off so I get used to the idea of having short hair..

A bit ago I stood in front of the mirror and held all my hair back imagining how I would look bald.. For the first time I behaved like a cancer patient.. They say some people keep their hair, others lose some, and some go bald.. I wouldn't be able to see chunks fall off I wouldn't be able to bear it.. If it starts falling am shaving it all off.. I'm scared shitless of how its gona look.. I don't care about the hair it'll grow back but am just afraid of the initial shock.. And God forbid if my lashes and brows fall as well.. God its gona be tough to face myself in the mirror..

Its tough to be a woman and know that any day now you'll go bald.. This is a very difficult disease.. It really shreds you to pieces in every sense.. It strips you of everything, your dignity, your femininity, your identity, your dreams, of everything you had or aspired to have. It holds you in an iron clasp and won't let go till it sucked the life out of you either metaphorically or physically. May God help everyone who went or is going through this disease..

9 comments:

swera said...

shush, don't always believe what the doctors say! they said the same thing to my mom but for 2 montha of heavy-chemo therapy, she hasn't lost A hair!!! be positive :)

Moody said...

My friend lost her hair after chemo, but believe me its not something to worry about, it was agood change for her, and after your done inshallah and it grows back you will get to do experience all kinds of hair cuts :)

RainDrop said...

swera is right.. SHUSH! i know many cancer patients, haven't seen one that lost hair. They got black nails, they looked sick -obviously-.. but i haven't seen hair loss. Ow inshallah we'll never do!

I dont know how u look like, but i have a feeling u'll look good.. hmmm ^_- <- whatever that face means lol

Madry laish bs a song reminds me of u .. x_x .. Pink, I'm a rock star..!! hehehe

love u
xx

Anonymous said...

You are lucky in knowing that it will grow back and is only temporary...my sister has Alopecia Areata, which means she is allergic to her own hair and has been losing it since she was 5. It only grows in patches. She has no eyelashes or eyebrows. Imagine being completely bald forever. Hair is nothing and doesn't define who you are. Concentrate on fighting the cancer, don't waste energy worrying about your hair.

Anonymous said...

el7mdella 3la kel 7al :) ahm shy el 9e7a allah kreem ,, mb shar6 y6ee7 tra !

Anonymous said...

Rumors!! A friend of mine is in a current phase of chemo therapy she did not lose a single hair, her hair is still strong and healthy the way it has always been.

Tefa2elaay belkhair winshalla may9eer ela elkhair...

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievements. Nothing can be done without hope.Determine that a thing can and shall be done, and then you can find a way. Hold up to your better self, your real self that can dare and do and win out.

The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

-SS-

Fajer said...

To be quite honest, I always wanted to shave my hair off. Not mn zod etheqa eli feeni, bss it was always part of the things i wanted to do. Ahali ma rethaw 6ab3an:) "Kafi ba6a mo rathya tsaween rejeeeem!"

Lat7ateen eshay until u get there... Don't believe what u see in the movies, its not the way it is. Chemo's yafregon and not all of them include hair loss.

Bss when it comes to it, i agree with you, I say shave it off. akeed ra7 ten9admain oo mat3arfeen nafsech bel manthara... Bss ull get over it. You will. Remind yourself that ull get over it.

Wa7da a3arefha found out she had breast cancer and even though she was devastated, the first thing she said was, "Oh well, I always wanted an excuse 3shan agare3."

When ppl think of cancer, they google it and start researching about the type, stage, prognosis, all kinds of statistics. All they care about is whether the patient they love will survive or not.

No one knows about the details of el marath... Even el ashya2 elii malhum 3elaqa bel marath nafsa... as u said, "femininity, dignity, etc." And hal ashya2 they're a big deal and you have every right to feel the way ur feeling.

Bss I want to tell you one thing you'll gain.

You'll learn who you are, stripped from everything you think you can't live without. You'll know that you can LIVE, and LOVE, and FEEL... even though you lost so much.

oo bagoolech shay, yemken you won't believe me now, bss you will remember me later.

Allah E3AWETH... eb shakel matekhayelaina... Methel maa khathaa mennich so much, sub7ana will give you alf marra akthar... Ra7 e3awthech mo eb "sha3ar akthaf", or "Pink cheeks", or "positivity mn esema"... You might not KNOW g3d e3awthech eb shenu... bss eb galbech ra7 et7eseen eb completeness oo qana3a and peace...

I lost something a while back... Something ma7es fe aghla menna bedenya... An old friend who went thru the same thing galatli, "wait and see... Allah y3aweth." I didn't understand her then. But she was 170% right.

God Bless you, oo allah y3eenech oo yshafeech oo yshaafi kel mareeeth bedenya.... Smile, and know you're one of the chosen ones. Hold on. Stay true to urself.

Lots of love;*

Q80thug said...

interestingly enough, today i woke up thinking i should shave my head completely, you know getting a summer look and all. but i decided i would do something else.

IF and only IF you start to lose hair and decide to shave it off. i will do the same. :>

night luv,

Smart CoOKie said...

My friend didn't lose all of her hair. It just got thinner so she cut it short as a boy. It was super cute. And now as she is cancer free al 7mdullah, she has her old gold curls back.
Inshallah you won't lose your hair and even if you did, you can rock the look like Demi. or get a mowhak. That's hot! I want one.