Tuesday, 11 May 2010

i have cancer

It hit me today that I have cancer. My doc came over n confirmed the results and just waiting for last results to know at what stage. I see all near and dear breaking down yet I shed a tear hear and there for 2 seconds..

On friday the professor called me at home n had to tell me over phone. I was shocked n cried while talking to him. I felt I had it but told myself am just being pessimistic but when heard him say it in plain english it shocked me. I told mother while on phone to him n u can imagine what she went through. I shut the phone got up while extremely dizzy took out Quran and read Yasin while crying and eating a banana!!! Why the banana I do NOT know!! Mind u I don't even like them n eat 1 once a year..

Since then it hasn't sunk in but today it did. I have Cancer. A disease that in some cases could be fatal. There is so much I haven't done yet.. I have cancer.. I have cancer. Cancer is poisoning my body. I don't want it I don't want it I want it out of my body ;(

I came back from my scan today the 1 which will tell them how much it has spread and started weeping like a child and still am. 2 nurses came over and each sat by my side and tried to calm me down bs mako fayda.. No amount of compassion or love in this world will make my cancer go away.. I have cancer and I will start chemo soon and I already wish I was dead. Ya rabi er7amny..

Its a low day..

21 comments:

Anony said...

<3

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog silently for a while now.. and I'm pretty sure you can beat this! No matter how hard no matter how painful walaah you can beat it! It won't be easy bas tara all this fighting your doing? Ga3d yaksebech ajer 3atheem 3nd rabich be sure of that! I'll be waiting for the victory post and until then I'm expecting many very long te7el6em posts ;p !
Ps; I'll pray for you who ever you mite be ;p ;*
-H

Anonymous said...

Ur strong and we know it !
beleive in urself and look at it postively , allah b2ajreech ghasib 6eeb ;*

gadhaaa gadhaaaaaa ! we love u no matter wat , and allah loves u even more !

inshala mafeech ila el 3afya ;*

..::Amu::.. said...

I am sorry to hear that :(

But I am sure you can do it....you are strong enough to beat this...

I hope and will pray that you get well soon!

:::ShoSho::: said...

YOu will beat it inshallah.. I know whatever we say won't make it go away or make you feel better but .. well, i don't know really what to say but inshallah it will be over soon habibti :*

the boudoir. said...

i dont know how much it spread..but b strong for the sake of urself..i will give u a piece of advice..i know that a person should reach out to god before medicine..do that..read koran, istakhdimi il6ib ilnabawi..read bout this stuff..and i swear u will b more optimistic bout the whole thing..do wat i say plus 3ilaj ilmustashfa..both with the prayers of the ones beside u inshallh u will win over this thing..i really feel for u..and i dont blame u one bit for the shock ..we all hear bout this happenin to people not thinkin that it may one day b us goin thru it..inshallah inshallah inshalllah ta3afain mina..o tathkireen hl ayam 3ugub as memories, bad ones maybe good if u gain something out of them..**hugs**

eshda3wa said...

you have canser
but inshalah its curable!

and believe me tara ur attitude o ur mind set make a difference.
your a strong woman

and you WILL beat it !

mako shay eb3eed 3ala rabich!

Anonymous said...

enshAllah ya rabb soon iyee elyoom eli etgoleen feeh i HAD cancer ...Allah yshafeech we3afeech wegawmich bel salama ;*

Allah y9aber omich w ahalich ya rabb..

and yallaaah ..KICK ITS ASS

w 3ashat FourMeee, we all love you and praying for you:*



Sq

Anonymous said...

Matshoofeen shar dear! I'm a stranger that doesn't really know you well, I have visited your blog a few times, but this really breaks my heart!

You seem to be a really strong girl and even though you are feeling weak and hopeless it's normal to feel that after such a diagnosis. But you are still the same strong girl you were, ma tighayartay, so dig up that strong personality and let it fight.

With cancer it's all about being hopeful, strong, and having the right mentality. You have to make it your mission to fight this, you can do it! No matter what stage they tell you, no matter how far it spread, ma 3alaich , you can fight it!

Ba3dain 6ab3an rub il3alameen ma3ach, kil ilnas ily ga3da tad3eelach ib thahar ilghaib da3wat'hum kiliha biyistijeebha raby inshallah. Fa you are not alone, think of it chinnich ga3da tamsheen oo a FourMe army yamshy warach. You are not fighting this alone, we are all with you!

ilRasool 9ala Allah 3laih wa salam gal dawow marthakum bil 9adaqat, fa 7awlay low kil yom iti9adiqain ib shay basee6 ib niyyat ilshifa2, oo tiwakilay 3ala Allah, oo ruby ma ra7 ykhayib thannich abad inshallah..

I hope you agreed to freeze your eggs, even though hatha qarar raji3 lich oo it is very personal, bes akhaf iyi yom oo tindimeen lay kubartay. Oo ba3dain min ygool ina no one wants to marry, bil 3aks! ila kil min beetimanach oo inshallah it3eesheen 7ayat sa3eeda ib little fourme's erakthoon 7olich. Oo about the whole virginity issue, i9digaw ily galaw ma lah 3ilaqa bil hymen that's just the physical aspect, the fact will still remain that you never had intercourse, oo hatha ily yihim ilrayal, ba3dain you have an excuse, oo la yimkin yistanis lana he knows inich tigdireen ityeebeen lah 3yal. (Your eggs may still be ok later on, this is done as a precaution I guess).

It's healthy to rant and let it out, but know that you are not alone in this winshallah fatra basee6a wit3ady bithn ilshafy sub7anah

A well wisher :*

zuz said...

ur previous post 3awwar galby and i started crying :'( wa3laya allah eshafeech we5afif 3anich it must be very difficult, reading it made me cry 3ayal enty shetgoleen :'( you're very brave, i pray for you everyday and i will le lamman et9ereen zaina enshallah

WSS said...

Calm down please and inform us in which stage is it with details and what the chances to be cured please.
Allah Eysahel 3alaich Inshallah it's a matter of time and every thing gonna be fine

we really care about you even if we don't know you, our hearts with you god bless you

Anonymous said...

you will beat this - get to wear highheels again and blind everybody with bling bling.

chin up girl

*hugz*

RainDrop said...

You're a strong woman. You'll beat it

xx

Anonymous said...

With so many wishes, i am 100% sure you are gonna get well.

Hang in there are beat the crap out of that cancer.

As someone said, you can have a symbolic representation of a cancer killer as tattoo.

May the force be with you.

A Journal Entry said...

i spent more than 20 min staring at the keyboard thinking about something to say.. i know nothing i can say will make it feel better for u.. bs u should know enna u r a strong woman and i truely beleive enna u have it in u to face it and never give up hope =*

Mar8adoosh said...

allah ygawmich bisalama inshala w ya rab inshala u will beat hal marath w btseren a7sn min awal.. ad3eelich b kil salaty..

i know magdr agol shay cuz im not in the situation bs hatha kila ajer 7agich w inshala btgomen w btseren zaina w yro7 ilcancer ya rab

everyone is here for you :*

Anony said...

i wikied Hodgkin Lymphoma

bla bla bla akher shay ...

The survival rate is generally 90% or higher when the disease is detected during early stages, making it one of the more curable forms of cancer.[4] Hodgkin's lymphoma is one of the handful of cancers that, even in its later stages, has a very high cure rate, in the 90s.[5] Most patients who are able to be successfully treated and thus enter remission generally go on to live long lives


thats good right? ..

;*

yours truly
qo6eyaa ;p

hahha


so'al mino the 2nd anonymous? 3rd comment

Anony said...

f7e7eeeeeeeeeelyyyyyy if you read this email me :P

qanafa@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

it's me "silent reader " ;p
anony lata7arishain ;p

foshyaa said...

fourme i dont know u , but i love u;*

Q80BOY said...

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway. ~Mary C. Crowley

Life without faith in something is too narrow a space to live. ~George Lancaster Spalding

I share these two quotes with you .. and ask you not to lose faith! ;)