It hit me today that I have cancer. My doc came over n confirmed the results and just waiting for last results to know at what stage. I see all near and dear breaking down yet I shed a tear hear and there for 2 seconds..
On friday the professor called me at home n had to tell me over phone. I was shocked n cried while talking to him. I felt I had it but told myself am just being pessimistic but when heard him say it in plain english it shocked me. I told mother while on phone to him n u can imagine what she went through. I shut the phone got up while extremely dizzy took out Quran and read Yasin while crying and eating a banana!!! Why the banana I do NOT know!! Mind u I don't even like them n eat 1 once a year..
Since then it hasn't sunk in but today it did. I have Cancer. A disease that in some cases could be fatal. There is so much I haven't done yet.. I have cancer.. I have cancer. Cancer is poisoning my body. I don't want it I don't want it I want it out of my body ;(
I came back from my scan today the 1 which will tell them how much it has spread and started weeping like a child and still am. 2 nurses came over and each sat by my side and tried to calm me down bs mako fayda.. No amount of compassion or love in this world will make my cancer go away.. I have cancer and I will start chemo soon and I already wish I was dead. Ya rabi er7amny..
Its a low day..