Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Death to the Bone Marrow!

They killed me this afternoon they literally ripped me to pieces.. I was dreading the bone marrow biopsy because even before having cancer I knew it is the MOST difficult one.. So all day my heart was literally about to jump out of my chest and I couldn't be calmed down.

Before the procedure they gave me a sedative to calm me down, morphine to tolerate the pain, and double amount of local anaesthetic. Mother wanted to hold my hand through it but I had her kicked out and got a nurse instead.. I knew she wouldn't be able to see me being tortured without punching the doctor in her face mid procedure..

Was it painful???? Wow there are no words on this planet can make me explain how painful it was.. They killed me. They shredded me. They ripped my heart and soul out of its place :( I cried and screamed like a motherfucker so loud that the whole floor gathered outside my room. My screams made everyone cry from my mother, to passing by visitors in ward, to the nursing staff both female and male. Even the doctor who was taking the samples was telling the nurse I hate doing this procedure, the woman was near to tears.

After the torture of this biopsy I don't think anything in life could ever hurt again..digging and ripping out my insides while I'm awake.. Well what could top that....

Forgive me lord but during it I just couldn't help for a split second question why u would torture already sick people with this. I'm sorry for having such thought but it really was painful. I hope God forgives me..

Alf il7amdilah 3ala kil 7al..

10 comments:

RainDrop said...

1. Allah ey3afeech ow ma itshoofeen shar.. Ajrech 3end Allah kbeer

2. I've always wondered about bone marrows.. and why would they make it such a painful experience? i've never been thru it el 7imdellah.. neither have any of my relatives. But i watch a lot of tv.. I mean they've come up with tiny mobiles.. the smallest headsets.. Small unnecessary stuff.. Why can't they do something about bone marrows, needles, surgeries????


ugh, ma bazeedech..

Inshallah itkoon a5ar el aaalaaam .. *hugs* if u need a hand told hold, am here :P eygoloon am tough!! get well soon!

secrets said...

if someone else was going thru what you're going thru they would've gave up o lost faith in god.. bas mashallah 3alaich khalay eeemanich ib rabich qawi o you'll get thru it inshalla :*.. think of it that way; there's nothing that's going to hurt you more now, bas jarabtay aqwa shay.. o I hope hatha aqwa shay.. mara7 athayeg khelgich wagoulich qisas ityeeb ilqamet, bas I want you to know ina I'm sure you're going to fuck every bit of the cancer ;) Even though I don't know you I admire you! You can't imagine how much I talk about you to my friend (I know what a loser;p) bas la bas ag3ad watsharah feech wishloun your personality min a7la ilpersonalities ili shift ib 7ayati.. You're not alone Fourme all my friends are praying for you, the other day ga3da akalim umi mukalama wasoleflaha 3anich agoulaha "Yuma tikfain id3eelaha she needs it"

7ata lo ilcancer brings out the weak person inside of you, don't let it get to you, or else I'm going to fuck every bit of it!

Allah igawmich bl salamah ya rab :*
inshalla a3zma wit3adi!

Anonymous said...

Fourme.. Shlonich..? Alah ekoon eb3onich inshala .. ;*


PS: tara lail7een ma-cancel-t my "offer".. ;P Date? :P

Zabo0o6a said...

Omg sweeets * Hugs*
I slept on pinsan needles since I discovered about ur illnes ams from Glitter..
Alf la bas 3alaij inshallah o matshofeeeen shar inshallah...
allah ygawmej belsalama o y9aber galb omaimtej :*

:::ShoSho::: said...

That was really painful to read, let alone go all through that... allah e3eenich inshallah o yisabrich .. Inshlla soon you'll beat it ..

Average.Q8i said...

:( ..

serenade said...

I agree with secrets,, inshallah you've passed the most hurtful procedure and inshallah it will get better,,

5aly imanich guwy and don't forget ilQuran during this difficult time,, read it or listen to it on ur iPod winshallah Allah bynazil 3alaych ilhudoo2 wilsakeena xxxx

WSS said...

khalastay mn el janeb el as3ab o inshallah maboga ela elshay el sahel , atmana eyzol 3anech kel alam weykon ely maraitay feh akher el alaam

nosa said...

im in tears.. allah y3eenech wesahel 3leech dear..

its all ajr inshalah..

remember the more Allah y7b 3bdalh the more balwa he'll put on him 3ashn el3bd y7med allah akthar o get more ajr..

be strong.. coz inshalah ul get through all of this..

the boudoir. said...

:(
i just imagined the feeling..unimaginable! bs it tried to..whenever someone tells me a feeling it feels like im goin thru with it..i seriously cried from this post..alah y3eenich wiy9abrich