So the hair is gone.. This afternoon I left hospital for a bit and went to a close by hairdresser and told him to chop off my below the shoulders silky soft hair.. I've always loved my hair even though on any given day multiple strands fall off and not forgetting the grey hair but still I have good hair. Maybe I should say had now..
I sat in the chair and pointed to a haircut in a magazine that on any other day I would NOT cut even if u paid me a million. I sat there and saw him chop piece after piece lock after lock leaving me with a 12 year old boy do.. From the back its boy length hair but in a layered manner and from the front longer layers to just above the chin.. Back of my neck shows! For a girl who prefers longer dos its dramatic change..
He got that razor machine thingy and wanted to perfect the cut from the back but I screamed.. I couldn't have that thing on my head just yet.. Maybe when it starts falling off I could pull a Demi circa G.I. Jane. It feels horrible.. I don't like it. I can barely look at myself in the mirror since I knew I have cancer and now this short hair is just horrid.. I'm not me anymore.. I've been replaced with a diseased short haired ill looking girl..
I'm going against the harvesting of the eggs option. I just cannot endure anymore pain. My mental state cannot handle it.. If I'm meant to have children then so be it if not I can always adopt.. Bkhaleha 3ala Alah..
So ya my hair is gone.. I have a 3cm cut in my neck, 3cm cut in my thigh, 2 needle biopsys in lower back, and a fabulous bone marrow biopsy on the other side.. And after tomorrow most probably I will start chemo therapy and start a journey of torture for many months to come.. And I feel ashamed of myself for complaining because there are people in this hospital in worse situations.. Alf alf il7amdillah 3ala kil 7al..
Please be thankful for what you have even if its the worst of the worst because it can always get even worse.. Ya er7amna eb ra7mtik..