Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Chopped the Hair

So the hair is gone.. This afternoon I left hospital for a bit and went to a close by hairdresser and told him to chop off my below the shoulders silky soft hair.. I've always loved my hair even though on any given day multiple strands fall off and not forgetting the grey hair but still I have good hair. Maybe I should say had now..

I sat in the chair and pointed to a haircut in a magazine that on any other day I would NOT cut even if u paid me a million. I sat there and saw him chop piece after piece lock after lock leaving me with a 12 year old boy do.. From the back its boy length hair but in a layered manner and from the front longer layers to just above the chin.. Back of my neck shows! For a girl who prefers longer dos its dramatic change..

He got that razor machine thingy and wanted to perfect the cut from the back but I screamed.. I couldn't have that thing on my head just yet.. Maybe when it starts falling off I could pull a Demi circa G.I. Jane. It feels horrible.. I don't like it. I can barely look at myself in the mirror since I knew I have cancer and now this short hair is just horrid.. I'm not me anymore.. I've been replaced with a diseased short haired ill looking girl..

I'm going against the harvesting of the eggs option. I just cannot endure anymore pain. My mental state cannot handle it.. If I'm meant to have children then so be it if not I can always adopt.. Bkhaleha 3ala Alah..

So ya my hair is gone.. I have a 3cm cut in my neck, 3cm cut in my thigh, 2 needle biopsys in lower back, and a fabulous bone marrow biopsy on the other side.. And after tomorrow most probably I will start chemo therapy and start a journey of torture for many months to come.. And I feel ashamed of myself for complaining because there are people in this hospital in worse situations.. Alf alf il7amdillah 3ala kil 7al..

Please be thankful for what you have even if its the worst of the worst because it can always get even worse.. Ya er7amna eb ra7mtik..


super-sonic said...

It's good to see that you are accepting this, it speaks out for your character and belief.

Allah yashfeech o e9abrich o e2ajrich enshala.. El7mdila 3ala kil 7al..

“I wish you comfort on difficult days,

smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds,

laughter to kiss your lips,

sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag,

beauty for your eyes to see,

friendships to brighten your being, faith so you can believe,

confidence for when you doubt,

courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth

and love to complete your life.”

..and a cure to kill your cancer.

moi said...

I bet you look gorgeous ;), na3eeman :*

CatEyes said...

i'm sure u look gorgeous;* i have an image of u ena u have the model look fa a7es hal haircut suits ur face.. im glad that its hodgkins [ i read from ur twitter] and not any other form of cancer because it has a very high cure rate and once u go into remission it doesnt tend to come back.. thani shay im really pissed off at the docs one of the symptoms is unidentified cause of back pain wtf were they thinking? if they spent that long looking into it they shouldve discovered it a long time ago.. thaleth shay.. try scandishake or suplimed to maintain ur weight during chemo, i know ur already worried about ur weight and if u drink these continuously [they taste like milkshake too, mu like all the other high calorie crap] u should be able to maintain ur weight.. hmm what else.. i think u made the right decision if u put it that way about the virgnitiy thing, ur right etha maktoob maktoob, and ur already in too much pain and stress.. and btw babe chemo is not always painful, u wont be going thru hell from that.. its fatigue and nausea, which still suck, but atleast no horrible pain.. if i think of anything else ill let u know :* ga3deen nad3eelech till the next post;*

RainDrop said...

am soo into short hair, ow i have a feeling ur cut would suit you.. ur personality..

Go girl!! ow na3eeeeeeeeeeeman!

Snow said...

Hair grows back, it doesn't define who you are. You'll be proud of yourself after you've beaten this...and it is good that it is Hodgkins, my Aunt had it, went through all the chemo and everything, then went into remission for good, it never returned. It will be hard, but I am sure you can handle anything god hands you. Be strong.

Anonymous said...

with short hair you may clip in sweet barrets, wear cute headbands - yes perhaps you feel like throwing up but hey - like i said b4 chin up :*

& paint ur nails pink


Anonymous said...

i'm so sorry you have to go through this xx

chika said...


Swera said...

Letting it out is good for your mental health, whether you think you're complaining or not it's good for you and do it more often, it will make you better!

I can't imagine what you're going through and I can't tell you I understand! but know that Allah is there and watching over you, don't forget ths
that :)

the boudoir. said...

alf 7imdila wilshikir..
maybe ur right about the egg thing..itha allah katib biy9er 3indich kids..inshallah
ur hair..well now at least u can say u have tried the short hair..u may get used to it..demi/natalie portman's look is hot:)
allah y3eenich 3la the biops..iftakaitay minhum 7imdila..lets hope they were the worst part..i know a lot who had the chemo and other than feelin tired hopefully theres not much pain like the one u have endured earlier..allah y3eenich wiygaweeech ya rab

Average.Q8i said...

Gumar Chenhaa Ya Ma7laa Theech el Bnayya ..
Sa2alt 3anhaa Galoulee FourMeyyaa .. :P ..

Na3eeeman .. ;p ..

Anonymous said...

just a couple of minutes ago i thought i was having the worst day to ever exist and that my spirits were dampened beyond extent.. and then i read your post and read about what you're going through and i am blown away with the strength you have especially considering the circumstances you are in and i think to myself how the stupid little thing i am allowing to get to me is nothing compared to what you have to go through yet you remain strong and grounded and i applaud you for that.. inshallah allah will continue to give you the strength and courage and perseverance and patience and acceptance you have and inshallah on top of all that he will cure you and you will go back to being as strong as a horse.. you are in my prayers and know that the courage you are displaying is so inspiring and amazing xoxo

Anony said...

caat eyeezzzz, can u please email me

enshallah ma amshe o awaze3 my email :P

Q80BOY said...

I'm sure you look sexier than ever .. change is always good!! ;)

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

Don't lose your attitude haa .. hatha aham shay!! ;)

yulla good luck ;-*

springiyaaa said...

shoo hal Gumaaaaaar :p
7abeebty entee mashaAllah 3alaich
without seeing ur hair
at5ayala cuuuute
nafs victoria beckham ;)

Anonymous said...

I really wish the whole universe comes together to send a force to you and make you stronger and cure you.

I don't know what to say. I feel you.

You are in my prayers.

Errant said...

Damn ! I'm jealous .. you get all these great compliments about being sexy and gorgeous !! *hug*

Change is good .. some people cut it for the heck of it ..

Me and my sister are praying for you .. and mashallah you're a really really good person. I mean you can't stop saying el7amdellah .. just keep that .. and know that Allah will never leave a good person without pouring him with his mercy ..

*hug* u cutie girl ..

Unknown said...

alf el7mdella, na3eeman sweety :**
allah yshafeej o ygawmej belsalama inshallah..

Anonymous said...

cut your hair just like silver from 90210, you'd kick ass

Fajer said...

Abi agolech shay, bs mabi aqethech, adre easier said than done, and this is coming from the laziest ASS bedenya. Sawait marra menthar oo 7asait abi ante7er... When I read that you had hodgkin's lymphoma, i started reading about it. Survival rate is bel 90's el 7emdela. FACE IT LIKE A MAN! AND KICK ITS ASS! and you know what, when it comes to it, SHAVE off ur hair and pretend like you always wanted to shave it off. You're going thru the hardest thing I can ever imagine. Bss la taqmeten 3umrech! blog about it, or talk about it, or cry. Saway eli etsaweena just Don't keep ANYTHING bottled up inside. And remember this, there are times ull feel like ur a burden, oo ra7 etwaseen enaas bedal la uhma ewasonech. NO! ur not a burden, everyone loves you, oo ur doing THEM a favor by letting them help you le2anna thats all they can do. Know that Allah e7ebech, kel el 3awaar ajerrrrr walla ajerr, God bless u oo allah eshafeeech. You can go thru this, ur tough! And we're all here praying for u... Lot's of love;*

Fajer said...

Sometimes it sucks when someone that clearly doesn't know what ur going thru g3d yetfalsaf fog rasech. i know:( I wish i can do something:( I don't know what stage you're at now, bs stay strong.;***