I come back from an exhausting 3 hour long PET scan which caused me excruciating pain only to find bad news waiting for me. I barely threw myself on the bed when doctor comes in and tells me cancer has reached my liver and could be a second type of cancer on top of Hodgkins. All results come out tomorrow so depending on bone marrow I'm either at stage 3 or 4. It really isn't getting any better!
I couldn't handle it I had a nervous breakdown.. I literally broke down in tears and smothered myself with a pillow and screamed my head off. Nurses and mother tried impossible to calm me down but didn't help. They wanna start chemo on tuesday because of protocol and procedures must be followed and can't start tomorrow.
I was begging them to start chemo ASAP but they wouldn't agree causing more of a breakdown, extreme anger, threatening to shred one of the doctors to pieces with my bear hands, and calling the professor fucking something or the other. Can u believe it I'm BEGGING to be given chemo sooner rather than later. I begged like I was begging for diamonds not for poison to poison my body with! Tomorrow morning I will know if they made an exception and will start me on chemo or wait till tuesday till I lose my mind..
They gave me some sedative to help me sleep now.. I hit rock bottom. I don't have the strength anymore not when it reached my organs.. I beg you God give me the strength just to endure a little bit more cuz if not I will literally lose my mind. Ya rabi il7amdillah bs magdar ta3abt ta3aabt its too much to digest. Please God let my bone marrow be clean please please I beg of you PLEASE..