Saturday, 15 May 2010

Blah!

-I've been discharged from hospital and back home.. Side effects have kicked in.. I'm nauseous and dizzy as a pregnant cat with 9 kittens.. I can barely lift my head from the pillow and this is just the 2nd day! I'm in such a cranky mood..

-I'm angry. Angry at this horrible illness.. its going to torture me and make me suffer like hell..

- They gave me literally a bucket of meds.. I have to take near to 20 pills a day on top of the chemo..

- Wana talk frankly?? You all know about my anger issues and mood swings and on top of it cancer and you can imagine what's going on through my head.. Chaos at its best.. I can't filter shit anymore.. I threw a tantrum when they told me it reached my liver and the one of the nursing staff suggested I see one of their therapists to help me through the idea of having the cancer and probably help me deal with some old suppressed shit.. I agreed and am actually looking forward to that.. will start in a month or so.. Already met with the dude for 10 minutes and just felt ok to speak to a 3rd party.. He suggested that I find a different outlet apart from family and friends to pour my heart and soul to and I told him about my lovey dovey bloggy and you people.. He said you're my support system and he approved of the idea..

- In a way all of you reading this blog and commenting are taking part in my healing process and every encouraging supporting words you say is helping me overcome this gigantic hurdle in my life..

- I'm truly overwhelmed by the amount of love I've been shown.. Not in ten million years I could have imagined I meant so much to so many people.. Thank you lord for this blessing..

- Please pray to God that he gives me the strength to go through this because I honestly don't have it.. Ya rabi er7amni eb ra7mtik o gaweny..

30 comments:

Anony said...

<3

swera said...

be patient dear and dont be scared of the side effect!! my mom had cancer and she didn't lose her hair neither vomit at all!

This is a test from Allah and may he have mercy upon you and heal asap :*

nosa said...

honestly u r loved babe <3
wts not to love in a cranky moody person ??

allah y9brech, but i know ul get through it..

Anonymous said...

hey, awal shay ma atshoofeen shar, we all are here for you ou inshallah allah ra7 yshfeeich, i like your honestly, 9ara7a i have one peice of advice, 6abry 3ala il ebtela2 ou ta'3ablalyy lana allah gal wa bashr al 9abareen altheena etha a9bathum mu9eeba galw ena lallah ou ena elyhee raj3oon 3alyham 9alwatn min rabeham(9ada8a allah al3atheem) 7amday rabich 3all kal 7al, simle to life, i knw i may seem impossible ena shlone you simle with all this is going on, bs u knw wht i've been through alot and i still manage to pull a smile on my face for hope, to show i'm strong, do the same look at things in the postive way it may seem hard bs its worth trying, live everyday to the fullest takes pictures as much as you can so you can look back at them, spend time with your family don't let the illness get to you, akeed your family are worried about you so you have to be strong for them and have hope and faith in god that you'll heal, i honestly think its really brave of you to share this with us (ur readers. i hope you the best, be strong walla i'm sure you can make it have more hope smile to life think everything's possible and inshallah ra7 atkhal9een min ur illness, ou ofcourse i'll pray ena allah eshfeech. take care
p.s read the secret its an inspiration
ANONYOUSLY:M

N said...

I have been reading ur blog a while bow, but never commented madry laish..

I had to comment in this one though,

Be strong, I have seen loved ones suffer from cancer.. My cousin and a family friend..

El 7imdillah they both got cured.. My cousin had breast cancer, t3aljat and it came back again, you know what hurts? Is that she just got married and had a baby boy which is 8 months;/ it wasn't easy for her leaving her husband and baby behind but el7imdillah she got cured.. I remember my aunt forcing her to eat dates, you should try eating a couple every day.. I know it's not easy, and how much it hurts bs kelshay ib eed allah..

Try to do something fun even though deep down ur sad, with time you'll be better enshallah.. Allah ishafeech enshallah:*

Anonymous said...

اللهم اني عبدك , وبك املي فاجعل الشفاء في جسدي , واليقين في قلبي , والنور في بصري , والشكر في صدري , وذكرك بالليل والنهار مابقيت على لساني , وارزقني منك رزقا غير محظور ولا ممنع . يامسهل الشديد , وياملين الحديد , ويامنجز الوعيد , ويامن هو كل يوم في امر جديد , اخرجني من حلق المضيق الى اوسع طريق , بك ادفع ما لا اطيق , ولا حول ولا قوة الا بالله العلي
العظيم

Ya rabe eshafeech enshalla i know ppl that have went through worse wel7emdila kahum 3aishen..inty ed3ay rabch w7na bnad3i wyach wala ishafech eshalla;**

-SS-

WSS said...

When you Get Over

You Will Be Stronger

Back to your Freedom

Just like a waving flag

And then it goes back

You Born To a throne

Stronger than rome

Out of the Darkness

You come the furthest

Among the Hardest

====================================

learn from ur situation

it can be bleak

but Except no defeat

surrender retreat

We know you are Struggling

Fighting your disease

We Wondering When you'll be free

So We patiently wait

For that fateful date

it's not far away

So for now we say

When you Get Over

You Will Be Stronger

Back to your Freedom

Just like a waving flag

And then Everything gonna be back

You will be Back

====================================

Tara ana 7araft mn kalemat leghneya hehehehe the real song is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhXOKUBGSRw

But I just heard it and felt that with few changes it can be dedicated to you

Allah Eyhawen 3alaich Inshallah

:)

1001Nights said...

I'm so proud of you. I am so so proud of you. You may not think so but after reading your posts I think it really shows how tough you are. O ma tinsain tathkireen rabbich. So so proud of you.

sending you buckets full of love :*

Mademoiselle said...

just by reading this post, i can tell you are a fighter.

Rabi ehsafeech o y9abrich inshallaah and u'll be in my prayers.

Mademoiselle xx

the boudoir. said...

may god give u strength and hopefulness throughout all of this..peace of mind-happiness-love- kilshay zain..this is ur medicine..and continue thaanking god tht he chose u rather than thinking "why me" think thanks god,kila ajir winshallah dikhoolich iljanna min hl shay ya rab..i recently thought why cancer comes to those we usually really love and good people, my father had it, i think this is a chance to get closer to god

Anonymous said...

Allah ma yabli ela el3abd elli y7ebah :) egry gur2an gad ma tgdreen ed3ai rabech ale7ay beldu3a2 9ali beli tgdreen bh w el9adagah tdf3 el bala2

Allah y9abrech w yhawen 3alaich
ur FOURME with a Cancer not A CANCERED FOURME u'll beat it kick it and fight it bethn allah :)

Average.Q8i said...

Kel el Muwanee 7baal; Terbe6nee Be3younekk ..

Anonymous said...

wuvvv u :*

Palo ;p

mali khilg i log in :P

shoosha said...

did u tell ur therapist about how im ur bestest blogger out there?

come on admit it i wont brag about it later

shoosha said...

okhhh palpal tawich u commented.. wainichh??

:::ShoSho::: said...

You WILL get through it inshallah and we will be with you all the way..

Shoosha: La tsaween mashakil! :P

RainDrop said...

hahaahah what else attracts us to ur blog but ur mood swings?! I love em!


You need a shopping spree.. with an unlimited credit card.. good to dream, isn't it? :p

Q80BOY said...

3aadi .. no worries haa .. imagine the pills are maltesers (or ur fav. choco) .. and after the pills go spoil ur self with some real chocolate ;)

Life is short .. so enjoy it to the limits, you got cancer, but you're gonna beat it! Did you see Danderma's DP on twitter? FourMee 1 : Cancer 0

Haa you're already winning!! :D

will never forget u in my prayers! :)

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your blog for a long time, I truly admire your honesty and the fact that you r not fake like most girls today who really get on my nerves and they are all living in this little world where they think they are so popular and gorgeous and fashionable unlike the rest of us little innocent girls that have our own opinions and are unique and who do actually have style but not the style they believe in which is in your face I'm carrying a designer bag and I look like a clone of my favourite celebrity!!

I have been praying for you since the time you posted about being unwell and not sure what is wrong and it hurt when you said that it was cancer. I will pray for you everyday and inshallah soon you'll recover and we will all celebrate!

Xo.

Nora said...

Four Me, My Attitude, sweetie,

We all know how hard this has been on you, over the years your pains have gotten worse, and well, look at where you are now. Darling, we are all here for you, here to support you, help you in the very little ways that we possibly can, pray, constantly, for your well-being, to give you a second opinion. We may seem just like random outsiders who are aware of such personal details about your life, but sweetie, to us, well me at least, you are not just a blogger. You are much more, you are an incredible person, with such a honest and strong core. Which is why I know you will get through this. You are a strong person. But dont be afraid to show some emotion, you are human, and what you are going through is in fact much much harder than anything we are complaining and being emotional about. Ya Rabii 3eenich.

-And to quote the latest grey's "You can be positive tomorrow."
But: 62% of positive hopeful people had a faster, recovery rather than 44% of people who were treated strictly, negatively and impersonally..
Does that make sense? madrii (http://www.businessinsider.com/physician-empathy-a-cure-with-no-side-effects-2010-5) I know its about the doctor's attitude bas the patients attitude is just as important!

Honey, I'm not going to say stay positive and be happy, because all though we both would like you to do, I feel its rather unrealistic.
So, please, be hopeful, appreciate the small things, (like in http://thxthxthx.com/ ) and darling, please 7afthii 3ala deinich, 9alay kithir matigdereen, qaway imanich ib rabiich, oo amanay ib qudrat allah.
Iqray il quran. Iqray ilquran. Igray il quran. Please.
It helps, walla it does, it really does do things to one's heart.

Allah i9abreech, tara we are ALL behind you, supporting you all the way, praying for you, and your family, at every step.

Sweetheart. Do all that you enjoy, do all that it takes to plaster a smile on your face. And when it gets there, which Im sure it will, do soo much more to keep it there.

Rabii ma3ach

Anonymous said...

i am loving the fact that you are updating us... that really shows how much U care, and the least we can do back is to ask about you dear ;*

KICK ITS ASS, you surely can ;*



Sq

cat-eyezz said...

im proud of u gorgeous w plzz why do u think u have so many followers clearly ur mood swings are doing something right;p and ur crankiness is whats gonna get u thru this esloobech qawi betkhar3een el cancer ;p and u might not think ur strong bas we'll be the judges lana e7na eli ga3dene enshofech and ur very very strong.. i absolutely love ur personality.. and i love how ur using it to fight.. and i lovveee how its showing thru ur posts even when ur tired.. allah ykoon f3onech babe w 7emdelah that were helping u 7atan law shway sadgeeni law beedna ensawi akthar so many of us would.. and if u need anything like ideas for when ur bored or if anyone knows anything about alternative treatments that would help w chethe blog about it u'll get a million ideas.. mwah ;* lots of love

R.. said...

I LOVE U !!!
OMG I MISSED U 7ADII !!
long time no see ;p
wla commented wla read wla shay walla ana mu khosh wa7da;p
mikhaliff 7bibtii kla ib ajraa;*
o keep on posting ;p


ps. i knw u missed me ;p

foshyaa said...

Goolay ameeeeen enshala etgomen blsalama sooooon soooon sooooooooooon wetreden methl awal wa7saan ya raaaab :**

Anonymous said...

God brought you to it, he'll bring you through it.
And all along, I'll be your listening ear.

Fajer said...

Akrah ma 3alay nausea, a7es wedi a6eb mn el deresha, b3dain at'thakar moo mn zood el deyana eli feni, kelish mala da3i azeed "suicidal" to the list. Bss I know ur going thru the shitiest of shitness! Tabeeeen enzaaareglechh our little friend "Mary J" if u catch my drift. haha la la atghashmar. Screw staying positive. We all know easier said than done. I say kel ma eyeech 3awar oo t7eseen btabcheen, cry. But say "el7emdela 3ala kel 7aal" oo karereeeha... and believe it. Golay el7emdelaaa oo yaa rabbi ana adre enik katebli kheera eb hal marath. And it is true, allah sub7ana ma yebtele ela eliiii ye7ebaa... te2akeday that all ur going thru ajerrrrr... And about the hair, tara natalie portman oo Demi mo a7san mennich. oo kan shakelhum 3AJEEB! omniyat 7ayatii agare3! Hal fatra is a test of ur faith... Tmereen eb times of confusion and anger. Don't let those feelings control you. The meds, the disease, the pain might control your physique, but YOU control ur thoughts. We're all our here extending our hands for u to hold on to. We're all here... waiting to hear from you, and praying you get thru this. Lots of love;*

Anonymous said...

allah yashfeech o ygawmech bel salama.. first time I read your blog and to be honest I have a painful illness bas nothing compared to yours .. and you really are inspiring me to a7med rabi and overcome my illness
I hope we both beat the shit out of our illnesses.

as they other comments said 7emday allah in the worst times .. o egray quran o with the will and hope you will win

Ali M. said...

You can do it, girl ;) I may have come a lil bit late and I don't know FourMe personally, but my prayers and best wishes are with you. God bless

Living The Life said...

Be Patient hunnii .. stay strong and u'll make it enshallah b2ethn allaah .. u have to have a strong will and good faith in god..that he'll make u better..and always STAY POSITIVE!! because being negative attracts negative things.. allah yshafech 7beebti .. i'll pray for u from all my heart .. no one deserves to be sick and to feel the way u feel .. u have the rest of ur life to look forward to..o enshallaah u'll have more to talk about in this blog than this..u'll get over this! FOR SURE!

all the best dear and hang in there ;***

Living The Life said...

Be Patient hunnii .. stay strong and u'll make it enshallah b2ethn allaah .. u have to have a strong will and good faith in god..that he'll make u better..and always STAY POSITIVE!! because being negative attracts negative things.. allah yshafech 7beebti .. i'll pray for u from all my heart .. no one deserves to be sick and to feel the way u feel .. u have the rest of ur life to look forward to..o enshallaah u'll have more to talk about in this blog than this..u'll get over this! FOR SURE!

all the best dear and hang in there ;***