Thursday, 20 May 2010

All in All

+ OMG I have cancer. I still cannot fully digest it. People call to console my mother 24/7 and I get this feeling why are they over reacting its just cancer (like its the flu). Then I remember how I felt when a family member was diagnosed with it and it hit me CANCER is a deadly disease. A shattering destroying energy drenching disease. Yes I FourMe a 29 year old in love with life am a Cancer patient. I tell u even if I repeat it a million times I cannot believe it.. Its honestly ra7ma mn Alah that when u have it you cannot acknowledge it because if you do it will destroy you.

+ Today for the first time in 3 weeks I took a shower by myself. For the past weeks mother has to bathe me everyday because either am too dizzy or my cuts haven't healed yet and I cannot move freely. Do u know how humiliating it is to be naked in front of your mother at this age!?

+ Since I started chemo I cannot eat chicken, meat, or anything sweet. As well I don't eat seafood so its safe to say I'm becoming a vegetarian :( I feel sick to my stomach at the sight of them.

+ I'm Stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma. The tumour is in lower right muscle in back, lymph nodes in neck, nodes going through my chest, diaphragm, liver, right thigh, and damaged hip bone around the muscle where tumour is. Bone marrow results come out next week and inshallah ya rab its negative. They say I have 80% survival rate but they can give all percentage they want it won't matter, its all in God's hands.

+ My knees and feet are swelling up and doctors say that's rare! Yes because I'm a rare girl!! I get a disease that hits 2 people out of every 100,000 and the rare sides effects.. Alf il7amdillah honestly il7amdillah because I know it can be worse. I can't drink anything cold or room temperature because I get pain in my abdomen. I think its cause my liver isn't functioning well. Well that's enough blah blah talk for today..

+ Oh no one more thing, the anti-steroid pill yesterday almost gave me a heart attack. My heart was jumping out of my neck the veins could be seen a mile away and mother had to force feed me while I was literally falling asleep in her arms. I guess the food absorbed some of the meds effects and it knocked me out till this morning.. And on this note I bid you good night my lovelies as I have to go and take that medicine again....


Dont.Dwell said...

"They say I have 80% survival rate..."

Made my day.

swera said...

waiting for the results and praying for you :)

allah yshafeech nshallah :(

RainDrop said...

When you said it's all in God's hands, you reminded me of something. They say that cancer is caused by this and that, but is it really?! How come some of us get affected by "this and that" while others dont?! i dont know, it doesnt make much sense to me.. Maybe one day?!

Anyways, what i remembered is a story i heard on tv YEARS ago.. About this woman who was diagnosed with cancer, she was being treated but she only got worse. Then one day, the doc told them it's a matter of time b4 she leaves the world. She got into the car totally depressed, and slept. Her husband and his friend who were with her, were talking. She was awake but kept her eyes closed. 6ab3an they had no idea! So, the friend was like, what r u gonna do? u know she's gonna die soon, and u need to move on! The husband's response was "i've already moved on, i met a girl and i'm waiting for her to die to move the girl in with me.. blah blah blah" .. she's been listening all the time, but didnt let them know. As soon as they got home, she acted as if she just woke up, got off the car, said bye to them. As soon as she went into the house, she called a locksmith, changed the locks.. pulled whatever strengths left in her, threw his stuff out of the house, waited for him to come and then told him she's filing for a divorce. She decided she's gonna live what's left of her life with dignity, so, she changed her life style, took more care of herself.. and a month later, she was cancer free..!!

IT'S ALL IN OUR MIND! This only shows that within the 98% of unused brain "powers" , healing ourselves is a tiny part of that!!

Good luck girl.. you'll do it..!! or else how r u gonna get ur harry winston, or was it graff? or u know what, both, jewellery and "rings" :P

Shwaish said...

7abeebti i'll pray for u :* and the 80% survival rate is good il 7imdila! allah iygawmich bil salama inshala babes :*

Yours Truly said...

80% Survival rate is just amazing news my dear walla I was sooooo happy when I read this! :)

I know this is not easy. I can not beging to imagine what you are going through.

I know that asking you to keep high spirit and be strong and optimistic is easier said than done. But keeping it positive will take your survival rate to 120% guaranteed!

I don't know you but I read your blog yesterday and I could not sleep thinking about what you are going through. I pray with all my heart that god cures you. We are here for you and we are not going anywhere :)

By the way you are doing all of your readers a huge favor by blogging about your experience. You are giving all of us a wake up call making all of us appreciate what we have and think about what really matters in life.

I thank you for that with all my heart :*

Anonymous said...

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened."
Take Courage
1 Peter 3:14

... say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you."
Isaiah 35:4


WSS said...

%80 !! that's a really good news :)

Q8othug said...

we all go through the five stages of grief. i have seen it with my loved one and experienced it myself even though i was not the one dying :/

dear, its important to know on which stage you are in and try to end the cycle. but you have to know that the cycle never stops( i see you have already gone through it many times by reading your posts from day 1)

no amount of science and psychological mumbo jumbo would ever make it better but maybe, just maybe if you what are feeling it might help you to deal with it better.

stay strong dear we are here for you.

Anonymous said...

B :

I will pray for u enshallah ;* allah ya36eech el 97aa oo el 3afyaa enshallah to get over the cancer ...

I have this little book given to me its called:
" فضل الثمانين اية من القران الكريم"

في ثمانين اية من القران للشفاء , مجمعتهم طبيبية سعودية و تقراهم على مريضاتها و اللة يسهل و يخفف عنها و عنهم .

its short , easy to read , try to read it gabl ma etdsheen el 3laaj or when u are in pain ... if u like i will send u a copy or just have someone from your family bring it to u its from :
مكتبة الصحوة 222611006

i have read it many times try it kalaam allah 3omraa ma '6ar a7ad . oo allah eyshaafech ya rab ;***

тσσηα said...

ya rabbi yshafech w ygawmich bil salamah enshallah

May u have all the strength to Fight it !!

i really understand what are you going trough bcoz my father is currently walking in ur shoes as well :)

i will never forget you from my prays enshallah ;)

B & D said...

You are so brave dear!!we all are praying for u!!!

foshyaa said...

80% el7emdelah ;D

ana yade yalla elmarath maretain o maretain ra7 menna o ohwa rayal 3od el7emdelah , look at the bright side in everything happens to you wenshallah you'll get well soon ya rab ;*

p.s: kathray mn lesteghfar.

سلة ميوّة said...

I don'T know you...

But i'll keep praying for you...




the boudoir. said...

praying dearly for u always! hopefully ur survival rate is 100%..everything happens for a reason..and i have said this before and will say it always happens to the best/nicest of us..

Anonymous said...

youre in my prayers

Mad M2000 مــادم الكويت said...

Lymphoma is a very curable form of cancer and you will beat it for sure inshAllah

Just stay strong and keep making us all proud by being a brave warrior

Anonymous said...

Ive been a silent reader, I dont know you, and I havent been on blogger for a while so when i read your posts about cancer.. i cried! Im just soo shocked, i dont really know whats the appropriate thing say..but its good that you've for 80% percent survival rate, inshallah you will recover soon..Your in my prayers..

shoosha said...

i luff u 4me

nouf said...

i dont know you and this is the first time i come across your blog, but im crying. my mom had this and maybe thats why im crying. all i can say is may this be an easy journey for you, keep smiling, stay happy and strong.its all in your head and you can fight it in your head, no medicine will cure you if psychologically youre weak. stay strong and happy. its going to be hard, but you'll go through and win the battle.

Pisces Chick said...

"They say I have 80% survival rate..."

il 7mdillah alf il 7mdillah.
We're praying for you!

Hope said...

Now I'm certain that u r STRONG enough 2 beat this thing hun
I know ppl who have, & u're no less than them
keep up ur attitude sweetie

Smart CoOKie said...

My friend is a survival from Hodgkin's Lymphoma.You will be too, soon inshallah. :)

wet knickers said...

hey u!
i just got news on this blog, but i'm pretty sure i've stumbled across it before and a long long time ago! but i have the memory of a bumble bee in a fish's belly ;p

your story is truly touching, and you are in all our thoughts and prayers..

just remember to keep smiling... that's what's gonna make you better and get u through this!

i know ure going to get through this, i've been reading older posts.. and i'm thinking.. pfftt! what's cancer for a girl like this! this girl can battle anything ;*

stay strong.. smile.. and kick some cancer butt! (i'm on ure side) and we'll get some angels to visit ya ;*

inshallah u'll be fine in no time.. really praying for u

eshda3wa said...

kela ajer 3nd rab el3alameen inshalah

meem said...

== i dont know u but i know the following;

== u have a strength that doesnt exist in a lot of people, i dont have cancer or any disease but i found it hard to get up from my bed every morning and most of the time i cries on my way to college. no one could imagine how depressed i am, no body knowes .. i keep falling with helping myself

== some nights i sleep after i prayed for myself that something bad will happen to me during my sleep, most of the time i prayed to have cancer .. last week i went to register myself as a donner for my organs after death ..

== if i had ur strength, my life would be different

== i am happy for u becuz i know that u will be cancer free in a short time, becuz of ur strength ..