You know sometimes I surprise myself at how accepting I am of my destiny and how I choose to live with it. I think that's what makes me so tolerant of taking chemo. Even my nurses say 12 chemos every 2 weeks is quite TOO much and more than what the average cancer patients gets (4 or 5 chemos, once a month).
Anyhow silly enough I look forward to chemo! Maybe it's because I wanna finish quickly or simply I know its a necessity that cannot be avoided. On chemo's tuesday I told you I make an effort to dress up, from new clothing, to make up, to new scarf for the head, to accessories. I wake in the hospital with a smile on my face and greetings to my nurses. But damn it once I sit down and look around the faces bloody hell do I get depressed!! There is not 1 single smile in the house!! You'd think they were at a funeral. Okay so maybe they're not far from it but we're here, most had multiple sessions and know the drill, nothing new nothing shocking. So why the gloom!? I look around the faces and smile and try to make conversation to break the tension of the room. I kid you not when I say I light up the room when I'm in it. Minutes later you see a ripple of laughter and convo's breaking out everywhere..
I made friends there mind you I'm 1 of the youngest that attend on tuesdays. My friends are 2 ladies in their 40s. 1 of them on first conversation where we were discussing my cancer she hugged me! Literally 5 minutes after meeting her! If this was another situation I would have probably smacked her as I don't like to be touched! But odd enough I hugged her back and put my head on her shoulder. She understood what I was going through, and probably because I look much younger than my age they tend to feel sorry for me.
There are 3 chemo rooms, main hall seats about 25 ppl, and 2 smaller rooms seat 4 patients each. I always choose to have my chemo in the smaller room, the hall is too depressing and sounds of machines indicating chemos finish going off every 2 seconds, annoys the hell out of me. So last chemo I open one of small rooms and tell nurses am having my chemo here, even though they didn't want to, but hell I bake them cakes they can't say no to me :p
After settling in I told my 2 friends to come and have chemo in my room, its quite a small room so imagine it was me, my turkish friend, both ladies with their husbands, 2 nurses, and later my cousin passed by. You literally had to jump on chairs to be able to walk. So what do I do? Start talking and joking with them to an extant we were causing too much noise that nurses kept coming in asking what's going on here!! Not only that but I open chemo bag and distribute chocolates, crisps, fruits, and cokes hehe yaa FourMe on a picnic :p I tell you it was nothing short of a party! Imagine 3 of us ladies hooked up to chemo machines joking, laughing, and eating! Why play dead when getting poisoned!! We all know we got 1 hell on painful week ahead of us to recover so I try to make the most of it :) One of their husbands told me you got a good mind on you, you're trying to make the most of it.
Well why not?! I try to make chemo day fun because the second I finish my last drop of chemo I will endure 10 days of absolute HELL that no one can imagine. It is beyond painful and soul torturing.. Yala alf il7amdillah 3ala kil 7al, 3athab ednya wla 3athab elakhra. Only thing is I really wish I won't need more than 12 sessions of chemo.. Alah ysahil inshallah, Alah sob7ana w ta3ala ma yensa a7ad o ra7mta was3a am sure ma ra7 yensany o ra7 yr7amny eb ra7mita inshallah :)