Thursday, 30 September 2010
Me & Me
Today i took myself out on a date.. It was me and me, we had a blast.. Usually mother doesn't let me go out alone just incase i get dizzy, tired, blah blah, etc.. Okay she is right i do get very tired when i go out and have to rest every so often and keep on drinking water.. Couple months back i went out by myself and almost fainted in the street :/
Aint it funny!! I lived more than 5 years alone and now i can't even go out by myself.. Ahh sweet independence where art thou.. ilmohim told mother i'm going out by myself i need some me time.. I need to feel that i can take care of myself and dont need her or my cousins or friends to keep an eye on me while out and about..
So here is what happened, got dressed, coloured my face with makeup (doing the eyebrows was difficult as there is only half of them left ) covered my semi-gar3a with a colourful scarf and headed out.. I took myself shopping and had lunch all alone and then some more shopping.. I spent about 4 hours out.. Yes i got very tired, it was pissing rain, and felt weak BUT i was alone.. I was taking care of myself without the help of anyone.. I was walking around the masses without being the cancer patient with 2 tumours.. I was just a woman defined by what she's wearing not what her illness is..
To you, you might think so what 4 hours alone!? To a person whos life has changed and must follow strict rules 24/7 it means the world.. It means i can do what i want as i want when i please and my illness cant say fuck all about it..
Anywhos i try every 2 weeks to go shopping and buy a new thing to wear for Chemo Tuesday :/ adri kilish mala da3y bs it became kinda a ritual kinda thingy.. And if a7is eny ta3bana i buy a couple for the next sessions.. Its quiet sad in a way, its like my own 3eed that i dress up for with new clothing :/ im going to go and get poisned and i turn it into a fashionable thing.. Well who said you cant be chemo'd in style :p
Possibly ra7 a7rig everything i wore to chemo when cured inshallah :/
On a different note, you people keep on saying i should write a book about what am going through.. Honestly i find it funny as who wants to read such a depressing book! Mind you its a dream of mine to publish a book one day.. But the plan was get PhD then write a book about politics.. Well that dream is fucked for now.. So okay why not?! A book about cancer you say?? Fine throw some ideas at me and let me see if i can do it.. So are we talking like a diary kinda book?or how to beat cancer kinda book? Or what exactly??
You know ive got just a month left of treatment and i tell you its becoming more difficult with each passing day, o inshallah its just a month o i get cured and won't need more.. I really do need something to take my mind off freaking out and this might just be it! Yala do your part and tell me what should i include in this "book".. Eee mo bs et7al6mon do this and do that yala let the ideas start rolling in..
As for now i shall hit the sack cuz bthab6 ana tfachacht mn et3ab and possibly gona crawl to the room mo amshy :p 3afya la7ad yabchy am kidding i can still stand tall but with no heels hehe.. Good night my darlings.. And Good Fabulous Morning to you all.. And remember if i can still smile.. YOU can all SMILE :)
p.s. you are not welcomed in this blog.. Kindly leave and don't return here.. Exit at the top of the screen..