Monday, 3 May 2010

A. Hope

+ Tomorrow is the big day.. I detest general anaesthetic.. hate it hate it hate it.. hate that nanosecond feeling when you know you're about to be knocked out.. it scares me..

+ As if I don't have enough scars on my body I will get 2 more.. this is saddening me the most.. I know silly yet its my body I don't want cuts and slashes all over it :( I'm having 2 cuts and one needle thingy done.. Lets just see how much pain I'm going to be in when I wake up :D I know the needle will make me unable to walk again for a week but the cuts well those are new and got no clue how much they will hurt.. so ya fabulousness..

+ Hoping, praying, and begging God this new team of doctors/professors will know what the fuck is going on.. As the pain is going UP UP UP and I cannot handle it anymore.. Now I'm on liquid Morphine.. and daaaaaamn it makes me HIGH.. Thank you lord for such painkiller because its the only one that worked.. funny thing is I'm getting high on tiny winy dosage.. hehe I'm pathetic :p

+ I wish I had - by my side.. would have been helpful.. but what are we to do.. I seem to lose everything I want in this life.. I just hope one day I will know why..

+ As a change from this sick feeling/talk/pain I thought I should go out and shop.. mako fayda maksora w tbarid! elmohim I was not in the mood nor had the energy but for the heck of it I bought some stuff.. when I got home I noticed the name of the saleslady - A. Hope !! This has to be the most precious receipt ever. Call me silly but when I saw it I felt hopeful and smiled.. Maybe things will get better.. Maybe just maybe this could be over soon.. And maybe I'll get fixed inshallaa :)

+ I read this somewhere and don't know who said but love it..
"Close your eyes,
open your soul,
and let your self float up
the river of self realization"

= FourMe Over and Out.. ..


Shayouma said...

Inshallah Inshallah it will be over soon and they know what's going on and most important, they help you.. :***

Smart CoOKie said...

Yes, inshallah ya rab they will find out what's wrong and will fix it. Stay strong xo

Snow said...

Inshallah you will get the answer to your pain, good luck, there are many who don't even know you but are thinking of you, praying for you and hoping that it will soon be over.

CatEyes said...

snow is right , ur in my prayers as usual <3 allah yshafeeech wesahhel 3alaich ajer enshalah.. ;*