Support System

Before all this begun I used to hear about how important support is to help you through tough times.. Me being the person who detests sharing her feelings with others thought this was bull crap!!

Little did I know that support was beyond crucial during such times! I'm blessed truly blessed mashallah to be surrounded with people that love me this much and willing to support me.. Now family support that's given.. My aunts keep going back and forth to be around me.. Friends well i dont want to call them friends because there are 2 whom i will consider sisters till the last day of my life o madri shlon a6la3 mn yzahom.. My Turkish friend and my other girlfriend whom did the impossible and came to London, those 2 ladies are beyond amazing!

My support system doesn't end there it's just the beginning.. Anony, Zawi, and Soulo the crazy chick.. Those 3 are irreplaceable, they are my 3 precious gifts from God that I will cherish for eveeeeer... Wait doesn't end there! Here comes in my dearest Danderma and Palomino whom I absolutely adore :*

Hold on I'm not done :p Now not only I am loved and supported by all the fabulous people I have mentioned above but God has blessed me, truly blessed me il7amdillah by letting strangers, bloggers and readers whom I have never met to support me blindly and support me every inch of the way! Sometimes I wonder what have I done in my life to deserve s0 much love from people I know and don't know! I even asked mother the same question, her response was "you're a good person that never hurt anyone".. Of course no one is perfect and I have my bad moments but yes I do consider myself a good person and as a reward God has blessed me with the love of hundreds of people from family, friends, bloggers, and strangers.. Now do you see why I say il7amdillah?

All of you who have "figuratively speaking" held my hands through this tough time, by reading, praying, or simply asking about me are my support system, which is priceless.. Any person going through a life changing phase needs support and especially if it's cancer, they need all the help they can get.. So yes my darlings you all are my rock.. You all are the thing that keeps me on my feet and pushes me forward to beat this bastard.. To you a comment is bunch of words.. To me its much more.. It's strength, it is a force, it is an unseen helping hand that pats me on the back and tells me 'we are here for you'.. I swear to you, you will never know how your support has gotten me through some really tough times. Around May when it was truly bad, I can't remember who left a comment.. I would be on the floor passed out from morphine or fuck knows what drug they had me on and have no energy to move, I remember that comment and force myself to focus even though I was dizzy and as good as dead, I'd pick myself up and try to cope with it.. It got me through rough times.. And it was simply a comment.. I think it was by Cateyes but i don't remember now.. There are comments that bring me to tears.. Tears of joy that I have such love and support from the unknowns :)

I wish I can do something in return, but I can't instead in my prayers I pray to God to bless and protect every person that has raised their hands to God and prayed for me.. Rabi ywafgkom dinya w akhra :*

Alf il7amdillah 3ala hal ni3ma ely matqdar ebthman..

Much Appreciated my darlings :*

Love FourMe..

Bloggers Puzzle!!

So apparently its become a tradition for Anony and the gals to send me a package every other Tuesday. Came back from 3rd Chemo and as soon as I walk into the house I found the DHL package waiting for me.. Barely got energy to move let alone do box ripping, I ask 1 of my besties to open it for me.. I could have NEVER imagined what it contained!! I was and am still speechless!! I grabbed one piece after the other and read them.. Honest to GOD my 36 dears you have no idea and can never imagine the joy you brought to my heart with your sweet, generous, inspirational, and uplifting words.. You made a long, tortures, energy draining day tolerable and exciting..

So today with the little energy I have I thought I should assemble the puzzle and see the bigger picture.. (Excuse the quality of pics but that's the best the BB takes and my dizziness can muster).. It took me well over an hour to put it together!! Shame on you making a cancered girl work so hard!! :P

I planted my tush on the floor and this is what I had to put together!!

The box was filled with 40 or so pieces in puzzle shaped messages.. Each blogger wrote something or the other either via words or amazing pictures..

Now let me tell you I am an absolute and utter and complete idiot when it comes to putting puzzles together :/ So ya3ni THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for the extra hard work :/ I was about to pull out what I have left from hair to just put this all together!!

But man was it worth the effort to assemble!!
You little devils you all made me cry from pure and utter happiness and joy :)
And it was HUGE and AWESOME!!!!
Inshallah one day I will put this up on the wall so it will always remind me that there are beautiful souls in this world that are willing to make a difference in a strangers life without asking for a thing in return.. You all truly have hearts of gold :*

You might have just sent a couple of words to a girl across the world whom you don't know as a kind gesture.. But to me you have given me something, a little extra nudge and strength that I've been lacking recently! Strength to kick this mother fucking bitch ass whore of Cancer's ass from here to Timbuktu!!

In no particular order I would like to THANK and HUG each one of the 36 AMAZING BLOGGERS and the AMAZINGLY CREATIVE master-mind SQ who thought up this idea!!

Eshda3wa

The Avenues Blog
Suspic
Muslema
Journal Entries
Liviing Xxo
Mjkout
Atoona
1001Nights
Shosho
Missy
Standy
Vinne/Kaos
Silver
Cashew
Sh7afana
F.
Zahra
Anony
Zawi
Moi
The Boudoir
Zahra
Um Mit3ib
Chikapappi
YoursTruly
Swair
Amethyst
7afsa
Danderma
Zon
SQ
Doona
Shoosha
SnowinQ8
Average Q8i

Thank you!! Thank you!! THANK YOU :**

Chemo2- The Long Ass Day!!

Down'er:
Ohh where do I begin from about 2nd chemo? 1st time I have it as an outpatient and DAMN its a LOOOOONG process!! 8 hours worth of long! First they do observations, take my height (just in case I shrunk :p), weight, blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen in blood. Then I see one of my dozen doctors, checks up on health, tops up meds, and examines me. Afterwards I do a blood test and they check all levels if all is well I can take chemo on that day if not it has to be postponed till I'm physically fit, either by giving me blood transfusion or hospitalising me and giving doses of antibiotics for couple of days.. Blood results take about an hour to come back. After they do doc checks them then phones pharmacy and asks them to mix chemo (or poison as I like to call it) according to my observations today, and that my darlings takes between 2-3 hours to mix!!!!! Then we proceed to actually taking chemo which is in itself a 2 hour process..

Now comes the fabulous part.. Which caused about an hour delay to a very long process.. I'm on ABVD chemo. One of my chemos which is the main and most important one was expired!! The dick pharmacist mixed it and sent it up only for one of the nurses to notice that it expired 2 hours ago!! OK I can be a bitch and say what a moron but I really don't blame him as that chemo expires quickly and the one they gave me yesterday expires today, plus they were swamped yesterday.. Still killing me with expired poison would have NOT been ideal :/

After all that waiting I got so agitated and annoyed that my darling veins decided to disappear and play hide and seek with me! Assholes like I need the extra work!! So what do they do to try and get them out?! Yes they dip your arm in boiling HOT water.. I kid you not when I was dunking arm in the hot water I took it out and it was PINK like about to burn pink :/

End result nurse found a vein..

Now you have to see this, one of my poisons comes in red colour.. and when put through the machine and injected into me it turns the transparent plasticy tubey thingy a fluorescent colour which was super cool! Yes one gotta be humours when injected with poison :) My friend went wild with photos and started snapping shots of it going into my system! I thought what the hell I'll show you dudes as well.. You deserve some entertainment after all the support and love you've been showing :*

Ain't it the coolest!!!

Well the not so good part is when being injected with this shit I felt like hell I almost was in tears from how knackered and tired I felt.. But I thought if the bald 12 year old girl in the other room sitting having her chemo with dignity and no tears then I should just suck it up and shut it.. Mind you it was literally ripping my arms.. Felt like a knife was cutting through my arm :( And when I got home Oh My GOD I've never felt lethargy like that in my life and night sweats that caused my to change my pjs 3 times during the night.. And cherry on top I'm shedding hair already.. Yes its falling.. They say by next week it will fall more.. Baldy here I come.. Oh my taste buds are gone everything has a metaly taste to is :/ Well I'm writing this post cuz it takes about 24 hours for chemo to fully take effect and fuck me up GOOD!

Up'er:
On an up beat note I'm being spoiled rotten! I kid you not ga3da adalaa3 eb shakil mo 6abe3y! Mo ana adala3, ehom eydal3ooni :p From family to friends to dear bloggers, rabi eykhalekom kilikom ly :** I went to chemo with my friend who came from abroad but another friend passed by and she got me the most beautiful sparkley pen EVER to write down all my medication times and intakes with..

As I was taking chemo my friend left me for 5 minutes went to Butler & Wilson which is just next door to hospital and got me 4 presents from there! I was sitting there with one arm being poisoned and other unwrapping pressies :p

Only to get home and find an AWESOME package from DHL.. I tell you I was really feeling like shit and barely could walk.. But I had to devour the package only to find the darling Anony/Zawi, Atoona, and Sq have sent me a bundle of things that were fabulous. One thing that had me and my other laughing in stitches was a t-shirt that said " I have Cancer and I'm Going to kick its Ass - Session 2" I LOVED IT!

You think it ends there?! No darlings! I found another box inside the box from another angelic blogger Danderma!! It was filled with goodies that I don't know from where to begin to state my joy as I was going through it.. But what had me laughing my head off was that Danderma wrote that she had disinfected everything with Dettol!!! Hehehhehehee I couldn't stop laughing because she was spot on right to do so seeing my immune system has dropped :/ But to be that considered to think of such a tiny thing just made me so happy and blessed to know such people!!

Honest to God girls I swear to you, you made a HELL of a day seem not so bad and it truly brought me joy!! I cannot thank you enough for such generosity and selfless gesture :** Rabi eywagfkom o ya7fthkom o yab3id 3ankom kil shar :**

Okay enough I'm exhausted.. this post drained me.. Thank you God for blessing me with such love.. Alf il7amdillah :) Love you all :**

p.s. From now on I'm only accepting pressies from Cartier and Graff!! Kaifi I'm sick SPOIL ME dammit :P

THANK YOU :*

How or from where do I begin to THANK ALL the people who left me kind comments, prayers, blogged, said a prayer in silence, or simply wished me well?! How does one repay such kindness?! Even if it's intended for a stranger that you've never known, you uttering couple of words to wish them well makes a hell of A LOT of difference in their lives, TRUST ME! I have NO words to express how I feel towards YOUR acts of generosity.. I will simply say you made a sick girl VERY HAPPY :D

And for that I am eternally grateful to each and every single one of you :**
3asa rabi ya7fith kilman da3ali o da3a 7ag kil mareeth mn kil shar o yas3ida denya w akhra :**

MUCH APPRECIATED :*