Friday, 30 November 2012

The Hypocrite?

The minute the word Cancer is mentioned in a conversation people jump to say 'kafena eshar' or 'Allah ya7fithna'. This is the norm, before being diagnosed I used to say the exact same words at the mention of Cancer. It is without a doubt a plague that people feared.

Yet now, after having battled it, it feels like a dagger to the heart. Every time someone says 'kafena eshar' I feel a knife shoved in my heart and twisted in a thousand times over, I feel a pain in my heart and deep down in my stomach. I feel like an outcast. Like I'm tainted with the scarlet letter C imprinted on my chest. I became one of those people plagued with the disease and shone. I'm ashamed.

I know the intentions of those around me isn't to wound me or anyone with Cancer or survived it. But believe you me it hurts to hear such words, even if they're a prayer to God to protect from such a destructive illness.

Am I being a Hypocrite? I used to be one of those whom uttered such fears, yet now I hurt from them and wish never to hear.

Maybe this is a pointless plea, but, for those conversing about Cancer around ones whom survived or lost a loved one to it, kindly say your 'kafeena eshar and Allah ya7fithna' in your hearts and not for those around to hear, as take it from me they are burning daggers to our hearts and ears.


Eiman said...

Unfortunately, some people like to play the role of the victim and hear such inconsiderate comments. I have 2 best friends, one is currently fighting cancer and to make things worse her youngest is suffering from a rare disease and needs constant care. Yet, she is still positive and even confessed that I am the only person she wants to talk to about her fears, because I am one of those who would scold you or even shout at you when you try to give up, and on a regular basis I would always remind them to count their other blessing and that it is OK to be afraid or cry but only to release the stress. At first, she was expecting me to cry and show my worries when she first told me. I swear to God that sometimes I cry alone but while praying for her to get some mind peace and be released from her worries and pain, but I never allow myself to cry even alone because I lost hope. I believe that God rewards us and answer our prayers if we proved that we have a strong faith in his relief and I keep telling my friend that and this is how she became more optimistic and even appreciative for this test as she knows that she will be rewarded for her patience.
However, my second friend does not like the way I react towards her problems. She is a drama queen, loves to attract the attention and wants us to act as if her small problems are the end of the world!! Lately she broke up with her fiancée and started to post these dreadful statuses on every social network account she owns. And because I kept asking her to move on and thank God that it ended that way, and reminded her that we have to be strong for our other friend and encourage her to continue her battle, she started to pull away from me!!
I really feel sad for her. She thinks that real friends should agree with everything you do! The only reason I am writing this long comment on your post is because I hope other people would see things from a different perspective. If you have a friend who is in a bad situation, no matter what it is, be blunt but in a subtle way. Discuss everything they might be afraid of, such as: pain, death, what is the worst case scenario, who would take care of their kids when they are away..everthing, but not all at once. Take your time and move on from one topic to another, day by day. They might feel sad for a while, but this feeling will soon go away. Because now they know that there is someone who really understand their concerns, and ready to be strong for them and jump to help in times of crises.
Always remember that we all must go through hard times in different stages of our life, so no one have the right to feel sad for themselves!! May God keep us all faithfully strong..

Danderma said...

You are not a hypocrite. Its just that you have crossed to the other camp through the cancer border which is why people are praying to god they don't go through.

They are praying to god because, not everyone can make it and survive. Because its vicious and cuts lives short and it doesn't matter what you do or what choices you make in your life, in Kuwait you might as well just wait around waiting for it to appear. The saddest ones are the old people over 70 who are not even given a chance at life by given chemo. I know several of them who died slowly before their families eyes. Almost everyone in Kuwait have seen a relative or a loved one die with cancer therefore when the prayer comes out automatically, its because they know.

Now the question remains: why on earth are you ashamed? Its not like you are an embassador for cancer! Just because it resided for a while in your body doesn't mean you are some sort of omen that will cough cancer out onto the next healthy person and you... SHOULD... NOT... be ashamed. Period. OK?

Anonymous said...

Walking the line is different from trying to feel the line. Only walkers know that. You know it now.