Saturday, 14 August 2010

Day 90+2!!

-It has been 3 months (92 Days!!) since my 1st chemo session! In those 3 months I've been to hell and back. I've been through s0 much that I just cannot believe I was and still able to endure it!! The hell of Chemo is like no other! You think when its injected into u is bad?! Oh think again! Its the days afterwards that are HELL jahanim zamhareer.. Those days make u lose everything, from hope to faith to manners to the will of living.. That's how bad the days after Chemo are :( And with each session its getting worse! I want to scream from the hell that I am living in.. But I can't its pointless, instead I've spent the past week crying 4 or 5 times a day.. What else can I do?!? How much weaker can I get !! Yaa that's for the people who think I'm strong!

-Last year exactly on the 1st day of ramadan I was woken up by the MOST excruciating pain EVER at 7am and taken to hospital. Since that day I have been living on painkillers, not a day passed by that I didn't take anything between 5 to 13 painkillers a day!! I've suffered for exact whole year with aches and pains!! And not mentioning Cancer eating my body and spreading all over.. I've been sick for a whole year and probably longer and no one could diagnose me till 3 months ago! I'm just lucky that I didn't die before they diagnosed me! Alf il7amdilallah.

-Anyone who thinks their life is tough because they can't get or do what they want should probably think again and have a look at my life and people worse than me to appreciate the blessing that you're living in! That people like me would kill for :(

-This is the first time EVER since I was 6 or 7 that I don't fast ;( bamoot mn elqahar :(( how can I not fast :( yes I have an excuse and will fast some other time inshallah but for now its killing me :((

-I'm tired and getting worse.. My body is becoming very weak and not able to cope with so much chemo. Last week had both heart and lung tested, and yesterday lungs tested again. Got stomach ulcer from swallowing all pills, and seeing orthopaedic doc next month because my bones are getting screwed..

-I hope you're all remembering me before fu6oor and tad3ooly. Listen up, I want a custom made da3wa. Yes 6arar o ytshara6 does come to mind, but hey kaifi that's what I want u people to pray for me. So here it is pray:

1. God gives me the strength to finish chemo, and cancer continues to respond.
2. I don't get physically worse and nothing else goes wrong.
3. My tumours disappear.
4. I don't go bald and keep the last little hair I have left.
5. Cancer goes away and NEVER comes back.
6. Give my mum good health and cure her from all her illnesses.
7. God cures every sick person in the world.

Yes a long list but those are alll a MUST! So please when you have a moment pray for me cuz jad ta3abt o mafeeni shada ba3ad :(


doona said...

its always very difficult for me to read your posts and see what your going through, but i know that its not even a tiny croplet of water compared to what you're going through

allah yshafeech oo y3afeech oo y3ady this horrible time 3la khair...oo inshallah first of ramadan next year tkoneen ga3da bain ahalich in the best shape and form ;** your always in my prayers 7beeby despite the fact that i might not express it very much ;**

ShoSho said...

Habibti.. this is heartbreaking really.. allah eshafeech inshallah i will pray exactly like you want inshallah everyday :***

Anonymous said...

There aren't enough words to fully describe what you're going through, its definetly hard. But no matter how many Chemo sessions, painkillers, and posts it takes, don't give up. Keep your spirit alive. Inshallah allah yashfeech.

Anonymous said...

There aren't enough words to fully describe what you're going through, its definetly hard. But no matter how many Chemo sessions, painkillers, and posts it takes, don't give up. Keep your spirit alive. Inshallah allah yashfeech.

PS. I accidently commented b4.

swera said...

You got it lady :*

o allah ygawmech besalama nshallah ya rab :D

Well Wisher said...

7abeebty *hug* Ameeeeeeeeeeen!!! Ra7 nad3eelich ma ra7 nogaf, aham shay inty ykoon 3indich yaqeen ina Allah sub7anah wa ta3ala ga3ed yistijeeb da3watich oo da3watna kilina, keep your head up and smile inty ma3ach rab al3alameen ilshafy sub7anah, 7ata low you feel physically weak aham shay you stay spiritually strong oo ma tafgideen theqatich b'Allah

Slashy said...

آمين يا رب العالمين! ماكو شي بعيد عن الله

الله يشافيج إنشالله وكل المرضى :*

Aurous said...

enshalla it'll all be over soon... and you'll come out stronger than ever before!
enshalla tgomen besalama w hal.fatra t3ady 3la 5air... and we're keeping you in our prayers ;*

Journal Entries said...

3ala amrich fourmeyatna.. i'll write them down oo recite them b4 fu6oor =*

Anonymous said...

7beeebti tawni 5al9a do3a2 7agech, it will go away ro7a bala radda labo labo jaddaaaa ;p
Inshallah e6ebeen o terj3een.. abeech :(


Herolike! said...

You got it, Sugar.

RainDrop said...

i dont know how it feels not to b able to fast, but i have a cousin who's not allowed to fast. Ever.. she's 31 yrs old and got a special sugar blood condition where not eating makes her go into a coma.. So, she MUST eat a small mall every hour or so.. i have the same condition but a much better one. I can survive the hours of fasting el 7imdellah, but then i have to pump my body with sugar .. bleh!

about el du3a.. DONE!

q8othug said...

oh come on now: dont give up! you are already more than half way through. ma buga shay

as heart aching as this post is i couldnt help but chuckle over 'zamhareer' :> sorry

you'll be in my thoughts today dear. and dont worry about not fasting Ramadan this year. when you wake up from this bad dream i'll personally make you some ' qa6ayif bel jibin ' ra7 takleen 9awab3ich warahom lema el sheera te6la3 min el khashim :P~~

falantan said...

the pain and suffering in your post is very very vivid and clear fourme.

o I'll confess I haven't prayed for you as much as I should have in the past few days. bs aw3edech I'll do better inshalla.

I have no doubt that your hope and resolve are still strong and your love for life is even stronger. otherwise you wouldn't have written all this. so for this reason I for one still feel that you're ok. inside, you're still ok il7emdella.

As for your hair don't worry it'll grow back inshalla :) everything grows back! look at your nails. you're still cutting them aren't you? they're growing that's why! so will your hair inshalla.

But I have a small request from you. more important than all the rest, you should pray for yourself as hard and as often and as humbly as you can muster.

I believe one of the strongest reasons for istijabat iddo3a is the person's need and sincerity. and this is the strongest when you're asking for yourself while you're in pain fourme.

just how a mother's do3a is mostajab because she's the most likely to be sincere when asking for her child.

No one will be more sincere in his do3a' than you'll be.

All Allah wants from us is this sincerity and humility. 3asa Allah ewafgech to achieve this in your heart

our prayers are with you inshalla

Mohammad Al-F said...

allah yshfeech enshalla..and please dont lose hope...
allah yshfeech shfa2n 3ajln.

Anonymous said...

lool tha7akteeni 3al custom made prayers, im seriously writing those down and sticking them on my wall somewhere so i remember them.. starting from today i'll ask my mum and sister to pray for u as well.. i cannot begin to imagine what u've gone thru.. i think its amazing (understatement) that thru ur posts and tweets u dont give the impression that uve gone thru that much pain.. the only thing i can do is pray for u, i honestly feel that ur gonna pull thru.. w walah e7sasi maykhooni.. its just a rough ride.. allah y3eenech entay w omech wesahel 3alaikom both.. ur halfway there <3
- lulu

Hope said...

7abeebti Allah yhawen 3laich
I'll always pray for u
May Allah give u the strenght 2 fight this thing & beat it
InShalla very soon u'll B telling us that u're cancer free, very soon b2ethn Allah =D

Anonymous said...

Klnaa wyaaach <33

Anonymous said...

There isn't a day which passes where a prayer was missed for you.May you and your mother have good health and times.All the close ones I know pray for you.

I am supremely confident you will get well soon Insha'Allah

Ruby Woo said...

Allah y9abrich o yashfeech inshalla. Walla ib kil 9alat ad3eelich la'ana a really close person to me went through the exact same thing you're going through now o I know its the hardest thing ever I wouldn't wish it on an enemy. Bas inshalla rabbi ib yistijeeb le da3watna o ra7 itishafain 3an qareeb ;*

Lost said...


7abeebti i have my mom on ur case as well..

so many ppl r praying for u w inshalla lo bs do3a2 1 of those ppl yustajab.. then thats gd enough.

hang in there

the worst is over

allah yashfeech w ya36eech kil illi ib baalich enshallah ib hal shahar ilkareem

Anonymous said...

My dear,

I have been reading your blog for quite some time now and I just want to let you know that your courage and bravery is very inspiring to a lot of other people, even outside of Kuwait. Stay strong and never give up hope. He, the especially Merciful, will see you through this time of hardship.

Anonymous said...

I know this seems silly, but i want you to be a little bit happier... so heres this website i look at whenever im sad
it makes me smile :) i hope it makes you smile too