One of the things I hate I absolutely hate more than anything is blacking out. I'm a control freak, I need to be in control of myself and surroundings at all times or I lose my mind.
Going through those past difficult 4 years, I'v had many ups and downs. But the worst of the worst has to be blacking out. I hate it. I hate it. Last it happened couple weeks ago.
I feel it bubbling at my feet rising, spreading through my body, my temperature rises, and it's as if my insides are bubbling like a kettle and about to reach its boiling point. The closer it gets to the top of my head the dizzier I get, I scour to the nearest chair, wall, whatever to keep me from falling, but every single time I get caught standing in the hallway. Pounding in my ears is so loud I cannot hear a thing around, extremely fast spinning surroundings, burning up about to explode, suddenly I go blind and drop to the floor. I black out. I don't know how long I stay on the floor, all I feel, hear, see is that I'm spiraling down a deafening darkness. I hate it. I hate it so much. By then I've screamed at the top of my lungs awaking mother from her sleep for her to come and pick me up from the floor like a toddler falling after their first step..
I am forever in her debt..