Tuesday, 7 December 2010
The thing about Cancer is that it destroys you and takes over your life. For a year and half I've been in and out of hospitals for pain and hell. But when diagnosed in May, well that's when the shit hit the fan :/ For the past six months my life was ALL about chemo, tumours, scares, meds, and nausea. I had nothing else and did nothing else, apart from my dashes in the middle of the night to McDonald's to satisfy my urges :/ Point is I forgot how life is and was without Cancer.. I got so used to bad news that I forgot how to expect good news..
The Day a Cancer Patient is ReBorn!
After I had my scans done on the 16th I was expected to see doctors on the 26th but me being me and having no patience, I call and change it to the 19th because I would have lost my mind if I waited any longer!
Needless to say from Tuesday till Friday I lost my mind, I worried, worried, and worried. 6 months of chemo every 2 weeks was TOO much by anyone's standards let alone FourMe (elna3ma edaloo3a ely mt7mal shay) fuck did I prove I'm the opposite. Come Friday, I slap on make up, I dress up like I used to do for Chemo Tuesdays, t36art o tbkhart, 9alait o garait Quran gabil la a6la3. Now my darling darling Turkish friend couldn't make it to London, so instead mother, uncles wife, and cousin take me to hospital. On the way I think I screamed at them all a dozen times and mostly my mother. Yes I'm ashamed :( Yet I was fearing for my life, I was afraid of needing chemo every 3 days or radiation or even surgery! With final session of chemo my veins literally shut, they cannot take anymore of it, meaning with any sort of more treatment I would require surgery where they insert a port in my chest to give chemo in and withdraw blood from :(
Now seeing I was over booked because the malgoofa me couldn't wait another week, they made me wait near 2 hours to see the doctor. With every fling of the door my heart sank more and more, with every look at the gloom faces around I got even more and more depressed. I was fed up of being the youngest yet most screwed on my Professor's list! At 1 point my specialist came over and said we'll see you soon but "It's all good" ! My world stopped for a split second yet I didn't allow myself to believe it ! I didn't want to believe I'm "normal" without all the facts. Mother asked what she said, told her she said its good but I don't know what that means so don't get your hopes up :/
They call me in and I tell them I want to go in alone, I can't take bad news in front of my mother or anyone else or show weakness (the only exception now is my Turkish friend). I go in and wait for my prof or bunch of docs am used to, instead they send me a dumb ass SLUT yes a SLUT that I never met from before or knows my case! And what does she do? She reads me CT-Scan results first then PET Scan and says the following.
"You have 1 tumour left, it could be just skin and could stay with you for life, some lacerations on spine, some around the heart (which I didn't even know that I had!!), all in all this is good". She looks at me and says "why aren't you happy !? This is good news!!" Okay in my head I was thinking hathy 7mara wila 7mara?! We continue talking back and forth for near 30min on how that's good w ana mo fahma laish good and what it means?!! So I ask her to go call my specialist nurse because any minute now I will jump on her and literally antifha :/
They both come back and before anything she tells my nurse with a smile on her face "I just told her results of CT scan and NOT PET scan" La laaa etqashmar! Thbalat chabdi o didn't tell me o bint omha still got more results!!! She says bkil fakhar "yes it shows you responded to chemo and your cancer is inactive". Now my nurse knows I'm crazy, no not wild crazy but threaten to kill my professor if he doesn't give me chemo, cry when they delay my chemo Tuesday, and literally throw tantrums, scream, and shout crazy. Yes I was mad and chemo made it worse. Elmohim my nurse fearing for the newbie doctors life she comes over and says THE MUCH AWAITED word. The word that I've been dreaming of since the day I was told I have Cancer, the word that would end my suffering, the word that meant I have another shot at life, the word that means I'm normal again, that goddamn word that I thought was far very far from my grasp! She leans over puts her hand on my left shoulder and says "You're in REMISSION, complete remission". And that's when I was born that is when I was REBORN that is when my tears trickled down my newly formed chubby cheeks.. Alf il7amd lik ya rabi ya kareem :D
I leave tell my mother and she doesn't grasp it for a while, I guess I scared them so much that I was expecting the worse that her and everyone believed I'm still sick, plus when the slut doc left to call nurse I told her what she said. She called aunts and told them so el3moom was 7azeen :/
I had to run around hospital getting meds, booking scans in 3 months time, and go to my chemo nurses and tell them, one of them hugged me and teared up! Afterwards I go to my mother and see her sitting alone looking gloomy, I tell her "Mama I'm in remission. Smile!" she's still shocked but that's when I broke down in complete and utter tears, tears like I just died and came back to life, Oh wait I did just do that :P I kissed her head, her hands, and fell in her lap with a thousand tears drenching my face and her clothes. I never knew happy tears felt SO good, ghsalaw chabdi o chabd omi! She cried so hard that she broke my new heart, Alah y3enha she went through hell. I left hospital and went to KFC to celebrate :p hehehe yes ana dathra w etha yi3t ma3arf shay jdami ghair foooooood :p I celebrated with greasy chicken :D
And that's my dears how I got my life back.. Now please keep me in your prayers because I have to be checked every 3 months for the first year. Pray that I'm cured for life o Alah la y3oda 3alay o ytmim 3alay e97a wil 3afya o yshafy kil mareeth bhal 3alam.
Alf il7amdillah Alf il7amdillah ALF IL7AMDILLAH :D