Sunday, 21 March 2010

Because?

Not knowing kills me. I'm the poster child for "curiosity killed the cat". Till I know why I will twist and turn, I will throw it back and forth in my mind till I get a satisfying answer. I cannot just settle. It will bother me. Why. Why. Why. Why. I always always must know why. It drives me up the wall not knowing why. Behind every action there is a reason, I want to know what that reason is even if it was to harm me. I don't care about the intent all I care about is the reason.

But we live in a world full of ball-less people. We all do the wrong but none of us want to justify our actions. Instead we offer a worthless apology "I'm sorry" <----- like that is supposed to make it all better?! How about you keep your "sorry" and give me a reason as to why you behaved in such manner. Sorry is easy said but offering an explanation takes guts takes balls of steel. One stands there exposed down to the core admitting they were at wrong because of X reason whilst feeling utter humiliation and embarrassment. That takes balls! That is rarely done. Yes we fuck up and fuck up BIG. I have fucked up and when I had to give a reason I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Fessing up teaches humility, something that we all lack.

Sorry. God how much I hate that word. I've always hated it and will hate it. I always asked people to show me they're sorry instead of saying it. Talk is cheap. Dirt cheap. But actions speak louder than a thousand words. We act and we don't intend on hurting others, but we do. Don't the people we hurt deserve at least an explanation? I wish I never hurt someone I wish I wasn't so selfish that I wasn't able to speak. My selfishness got in the way of my better judgement. I doubt I was ever forgiven, I wish I could know if I was. Betrayal is a horrible thing. Even a child who gets cheated out of winning a game feels betrayed let alone us grown ups. Tables have turned and I feel betrayed. I take things to the heart and I got what I deserve, karma is good. I only wish I could know why. Whatever might be the reason I want to know it. But I'm talking to the deaf....

5 comments:

Anony said...

.


Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I don't think u'll like what I'm gona say

identity said...

yup me too .. the word 'sorry' i cant stand it ..ya3nii saying it wont heal what u once hurt or saying it wont take us back in time to make everything right..;s
the why thing ... yup i always want to know why .. but i don't always get an answer ... i ask but they don't answer ... like its a secret ... so i move on with unanswered question in my head ... but hey that's life..

Average.Q8i said...

And If someone did something With No Reason .. ?

doona said...

"But we live in a world full of ball-less people" --> true, oh so very true

"We all do the wrong but none of us want to justify our actions" --> even more true

"Instead we offer a worthless apology "I'm sorry" <----- like that is supposed to make it all better?! How about you keep your "sorry" and give me a reason as to why you behaved in such manner."


if you think not getting an explanation and getting an apology instead is bad, try not getting either :)

if balless people dont give explanations, but give apologies....elpeople who dont give apologies are what??


ared wagoolich, if you think getting an apology is bad, try not even getting one :)


ps: i miss you wayed ;*

PaLoMiNo said...

Marry me?

walllaaaaaaah entay ele fahmtny...
That's exactly how i feel!!!!!
It's like ur reading my mind!!!

3 words:

Intay 3ala Rasiiii ;**