Sunday, 21 February 2010

Tantrum'ish

I want to throw myself on the floor and kick and scream like a toddler who hasn't been fed for a month.. I want to scream and yell ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH!! Enough with the little hints, plans, insinuations, and starting conversations with "Inshala when you get married..."! I don't wanna motherfucking hear it.. Fair enough the nagging has been taken down by a mile but the random mention gets to me.. I cannot give them the deaf ear anymore.. Can't we just not bring the fucking M word up EVER!

Fair enough I understand that mother wants to have her only daughter married off and living in the ultimate fairytale but I cannot do so if I don't feel its right.. Every couple of months we go through this where her and her sisters start with the "when will she ever say yes" talk.. What's worse she whispers to them on the phone thinking I cannot hear! hehe seriously its adorable because they are terrified of me throwing a fit at them.. for example today she was doing the whole whispering thing and I told her mother I can still hear you just wait for couple of minutes and I'm leaving then you can get to talk about me all you want.. she laughed it off the threw me the phone to hear her sister giggling and telling me when will you marry? fuck me how about NEVER.. that was on the tip of my tongue but I held it back..

Why why whyyyyyyyyyyy don't they see or understand that I cannot marry a random person! I need understanding, I need compatibility, I need bloody passion, and I refuse to get that AFTER marriage or during the "get to know each other" phase.. I won't do it I've been refusing and I will refuse till the day I die.. They just have to accept the fact that I will not marry ever or till I do it my way.. fuck it this is giving me a headache..

15 comments:

identity said...

wow the marriage topic really pisses u off..;s

really dont know what to say about this post;s hahaha

identity said...

btw anony im not first u are...im just commenting on the post;s

but yup ur first:D

Dont.Dwell said...

9a7 ilsanich.

Anonymous said...

So you expect yourself to fall in love at first sight? There has to be a getting to know each other phase in every relationship - what's the problem with that, I didn't get it? If you're given a chance to get to know someone who's come to ask for your hand and you have the full allowance to refuse him if you don't like him you STILL won't give him a chance? Then who will you give a chance to?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous:
I guess you need to figure that thing out yourself.

--

Marriage its off my charts now. I am staying single, until she is ready to see how to love when you hate; how to stay silent and still talk volumes.

How to see that conditions only bind and to 'really' love herself and me with all the imperfections we have while leaving all the crap behind.

I'm in 100% for such a woman.

WhySoSerious said...

Allaah Eykon ef 3ona ! :I
i think if your mother know there is a beast living inside you, she would SAY NOWAY CANCEL mako zawaj

PaLoMiNo said...

HEYAAAAAAAAAA!!!! ana maby atzwaj too bas kint a7ty growing old! BABE wansaaaaaaaaaa I wont grow old alone after all :P hahahhaa khalaaa9 bintjaabal ;D
WOOOHOOOO :P

Dont change ur mind ow atwahaag okaaay :P

FourMe said...

Identity:
I've heard it toooooooo many times.. And sometimes i just don't wana hear it.
=

Dont.dwell:
:)
=

Anonymous:
I don't believe in "love" at first sight. Love grows over time with understanding. Attraction happens at first sight but certainly not love. And no I don't expect that.

Problem being I don't like the fixed timing, one needs a while to get to know a person. Saying u have a month or 3 to get to know so and so is bullshit because one can act their way through it.

Good question. I've never been a fan of marriage and for years I've been declining without giving it a second thought but recently for the sake of not depressing the hell out of my mother I tell her I shall entertain the idea. I don't know dear.. I guess till it feels right and I meet my match.
=

Anonymous:
What thing?

Good luck in finding such woman..
=

Whysoserious:
Alah ykon b3ona khal9en minha mn zeman :p

Oh trust me mother knows there is a beast in me since the age of 2 where my favourite word was NO, where I'd do what I like and wear what I like and if I didn't have my way I'd go insane on her. Alah y3enha 6ala3t roo7ha :/

And she knows for a fact not any man can tolerate me but she's grown restless over the years and just wants me to get it over with..
=

Palomino:
You can be married for decades and still get divorced and end up alone. Marriage is not always forever.

Am with ya babe :p

WhySoSerious said...

seems you like it and you don't wanna get over it :]

Anonymous said...

This thing >>> If you're given a chance to get to know someone who's come to ask for your hand and you have the full allowance to refuse him if you don't like him you STILL won't give him a chance? Then who will you give a chance to?

Thanks for the wishes.

Sigh!!

FourMe said...

wss:
no really.. i dont see a reason for changing.. im content with the overall me..
==

anonymous:
ehh..

Anonymous said...

You're a very smart girl and I doubt that someone can really "act" for a long time without you picking up on it. But at any rate, the "fixed timing" thing is up to you. Keep it quiet and don't tell cousins or friends until you feel safe enough and that way you won't get a lot of pressure to speed things up if you'd rather take 5 months instead of 3, know what I mean? It just seems to me that you have all these preconceptions about marriage based on other people's stories and how their engagements went and so on. The truth is each girl has her own story and your story doesn't have to match anyone's KAIFICH intai 7ura so long as you're respecting the man and keeping his feelings in mind as well then take your time.

Please habeebty, and I know I'm overextending myself here, but please don't repeat that you're not interested in marriage. Itha mar malak oo fi3lan you got what you said you wanted ba3dain shlon ya3ni? You mention marriage related issues so much in your blog that to me it seems there's no way that you NEVER want marriage. Just relax and calm down there are people who are married and very in love and very happy and who knows maybe you will have the same good luck, inshalla inshala you will. :)

(I'm the first Anonymous :) )

Anonymous said...

p.s. Im not sure the "mar malak" thing is 100% religously sound, just thought i should clarify :)

FourMe said...

anonymous:
That's 1 of the problems, I second guess everything and I don't trust people. That's why I need a long time to get to know a person, I don't open up nor let people into my life. You see where the fixed timing becomes a problem?

Its not preconceptions it is more of a pessimistic outlook on everything. I don't like hope, I don't like to see my dreams crash. So I automatically assume the worse in everything, including marriage.

Dear I wish I was, as bad as it may sound but I'd rather stay single then try my luck for the sake of making others around me happy. I complain about it often because I'm getting "older" and according to them I'll miss my chance and dry up! You'd think I was edging on 59 and not 29!!

Ya I've heard that too.. but I cannot help the way I feel.. If I stop saying it, it doesn't mean that I've stopped feeling it..

Sarona said...

Power to ya for holding your ground. I've known a couple of girls like you but as they got older their outtake on marriage seemed to shift and be more like their mothers and grandmothers and the whole "elzwaj setr" and "ba7eba m3a elwagt"