Wednesday, 3 February 2010

AngryMe


i lost my temper and lost it bad..
i got so angry that i unconsciously started smacking something
i spaced out.. i was literally acting without feeling or thinking
i could just hear myself yelling and bashing at something in my hand
this is the 2nd time in my life i reach this extreme point of anger
my temper is really bad.. i scared someone
as a result i gave myself a sever migraine.. one of those can't see light nor hear any noises
i had to stay in a pitch dark room in utter silence and 2 strong painkillers
i think one day i will self destruct..
there is really no point in writing this
i lost control of myself and i hate doing that
i got angry at something trivial .. but i know it was just me blowing up over many things
i get angry but never take it out physically apart from one time before this.. i punched something
and now this..
i'm ashamed of myself
i need to calm down or i will do some internal damage to myself..
this is not healthy nor normal
calm people are lucky.. even people with bad tempers are lucky
i'm cursed.. my extreme temper is a curse.. it will seriously hurt me one day.. i know it..

i cannot control myself..
i cannot control my anger
i cannot control my temper..

i'm tired....

14 comments:

Anony said...

La elaha ela allah

Even Sweeter said...

babe they say anger is a symptom of something deeper going on inside,fa I think ina u should talk to a professional about it, Lana 7araam I mean it's very serious!

I hope things turn today and you feel better and much happier ;*

falantan said...

sajja anony. La elaha ila Allah.

But the good news is that you CAN control your anger.

and here's the proof.

Alla sib7ana egol:
{ الذين ينفقون في السراء والضراء والكاظمين الغيظ والعافين عن الناس والله يحب المحسنين }

which means they "reign in" their anger. they're not calm by nature, they get angry like everybody else, but they stop it unlike everyone else.

Also irrasool pbuh says:
عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه ، أن رجلا قال للنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم : " أوصني " ، فردّد ، قال : ( لا تغضب ) رواه البخاري

again meaning that its something he can control and stop himself from.

Also, that its a skill you need to gain and train yourself for:

قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم " إنما العلم بالتعلُّم ، وإنما الحلم بالتحلُّم ، ومَن يتحر الخير يُعْطَه ، ومَن يتقِّ الشرَّ يُوقَه " – رواه الدار قطني في " الأفراد " وهو حديث حسن ، كذا قال الألباني في " صحيح الجامع " ( 2328 )

So you need to stop yourself from doing it. that simple. fight yourself and do it. don't "let it rip".

Alla y3enech inshalla

7aneen said...

You can control ur anger,,

just believe ina u can, o don't say u can't!

Serously, watch The Secret. If u have already, watch it again!

Faith said...

I’d say read Quran whenever you feel like you lost it but I’m not sure if you think logically when you reach that point. I only know that one day I used to be exactly the same, I kicked a friend out of my house years ago!!!!.. but seriously I’ve changed! I got way calmer I guess cuz of too much shame! I know the feeling, like you were possessed and it was a different person who threw that tantrum but it’s you! And you gotta face it and sink in shame until you’re fixed.
Will pray for you sweetheart. You’re such a mad kid and I know you’ll grow out of it inshalla :*

FourMe said...

anony:
:(
==

even sweeter:
it would take a professional 30 years to fix the past near 30 years, i'm not going to spend that much time and energy dwelling on the past.. i just have to deal with it..
==

falantan:
I've been controlling it soooo much compared to the past but from time to time I blow up..
ameen alah ysma3 minik..
==

7aneen:
Watched it already.. You're telling me if u wish and hope for something it will happen?! It doesn't dear.. no matter how much u want it to happen it won't happen unless its in ur destiny.. no amount of optimism and want can make things happen..

sorry im just not in the greatest of moods to believe in the secret or anything of the sort :/
==

faith:
you do know that in couple of months im turning 29 right? that's the problem in itself.. I ain't a kid any more.. I grew out of that phase when i was a teenager and probably grew out of it too fast..

now I'm simply a very angry adult who has no control over her temper..

ba6alah said...

sheda Wetzool we all have bad days in our life, y3ny 2day was my worse day in 2010 laken we have 2 Act the right way , I hope 2moro will be a better day :]

Anonymous said...

Sometimes all one needs to do is open up to a stranger who does not know anything about you.

Emotional house cleaning is very necessary.

We cannot keep withholding information. It is strongly advised that there should be 100% trust in atleast one person in your whole God-damn life.

I hope you really see the point.

Crystal said...

This too shall pass inshalah, just keep ur faith ;*

identity said...

te3awethay men iblees babe..
mu zain chethy..
every time u feel that way thekray rabich oo te3awethy men iblees..

Glitter said...

<3 <3 <3

Falantan kaffa o waffa

((BIG HUG))

Cooookies said...

You can control urself -regarding how difficult it seems- .. you just chose not to

FourMe said...

ba6alah:
my temper matzool :/ when i get angry i get REALLY angry.. inshala hope so..
==

anonymous:
i do see the point..

i don't trust people let alone trust someone a 100%.. hell i don't trust myself a 100%!! people are good at disappointing not trusting..
==

crystal:
fingers crossed.. thank u dear
==

identity:
i cannot concentrate enough when i'm upset..i try my best too but sometimes i slip..
==

glitter:
*hug* thank u dear
==

coookies:
i'm a very strong lady but this is a bit too much.. its easy said dear.. u think i can but honestly i do suffer from very very bad temper.. u wouldnt understand till either u see me exploding or spending a moment of rage in my shoe..

TOUCHE' said...

I thought to comment then decided not to, then again I thought to comment, so here it goes.

Eventually you'll master your tantrum and control your anger but the trick is that if you keep bottling things up and keep contemplating things over and over you'll physically suffer. Hell I've always felt that my body can handle so much stress and pressure as if I'm still 20 years old but the sad truth is that it starts to give up on you as you keep poisoning it with stress.

I know it's the hardest thing to open up completely to unleash what's within, so you either stay in the mind's whirlwinds or you start to ignore incidents and remold your personality to genuinely bury things deep and far from sight, the latter seems the safest option but yet an utter hidden self destruction.

It's clearly not a sound advice, I think I needed to comment and vent.