Sunday, 7 June 2009

Till Ugly Do Us Apart?

I am so sad for a friend of mine, she's been married for 2 years and has a couple month old child. She is so unhappy in her marriage that it's heartbreaking :( She was such a happy cheery person and now even though she's trying to fake it you can see the sadness in her, at least I can. They married out of love, an other friend married through arranged marriage and is so unhappy that at one point resulted to therapy, another one got divorced and so many other cases :( These are not children these are women my age and older, they are wise, educated, and understanding, but their marriages seem to be failing. People are getting divorced left and right that it has reached a scary point!

Makes me wonder, if I ever get married, why would my marriage be any different? It could very well go down the same path and I am not one to give up easily! I would probably do the impossible to make it work even at the price of my own happiness in hopes that it will lead to future happiness. No matter how good the man I choose sounds on paper things always change after a while of living with each other and truly getting to know each other. It doesn't work, then what? Divorce? Who gets the children? I always said I don't like children but when I have them I know I would be a good mother and believe you me I won't get any shut eye if my children are living away from me, over my dead body! If I bring a child into this world I will do the impossible to give them a good life. A good life needs both parents who understand each other so they can provide a decent surroundings for a child to grow and nurture.

I barely got the idea of marriage through my head and now I have to entertain divorce as well?! I'm not being a pessimist but this is reality and the truth is more people are getting divorced than getting married. If you haven't noticed I'm not that easy person to get along with, I know myself enough to know that not any man can tolerate my brain and I. Do you really blame me for not wanting to accept any man? If divorce is on the table even before marriage doesn't one need to be extra careful with their choice? Everyone keeps on saying just give it a try and see how it goes and if it doesn't go well then divorce is always there. Marriage is not a shoe!! If the heel breaks you throw it away! I don't wanna give it a try! I wanna give it my all. If I wanted to give it a try for the sake of getting laid and seeing how it plays out I would of gotten married by 16 not waited till 28 when I've matured and calmed down. I want a marriage that lasts a lifetime not until it gets ugly and drop it! I want a marriage till death do us apart not till ugly does us apart.. This is too scary..

50 comments:

ZoN said...

Of note, FourMe have you gained weight yet? :P

R.. said...

ok 9a7 ako wayed divorced ppl but haman look at the bright side ..
many ppl r happy in their marriage life. mo shar6 ina il bint ikon fiha 3aib ina rayilha 6alag.ha .. maybe il rayal 9a3ib il wa7ed i3ish ma3ah ..
and believe me fourme ako wayed nas worse then u in many ways o they r married and so very happy 9a7 wla la2 .
o inshalla itha tizawajtay ull be happy .. l2ana mashalla 3alich ur a great person. 9ij ina u have anger issues bs hatha mo ma3nata ina u wont be happy dear.. bil 3aks inshalla eyiich rayil imoot fich o ma eza3lich o isawelich ya dhaina la tinkatin .. :)
cheer up il dinya lil7en ib khair ;D

ZoN said...

for everything there are 2 paths.. all u do is taking a ride, and see what allah has for u..

trying and being optimistic is our nature;

why do kids try to stand up and try to walk when they know they may fall down and get hurt?

3ala kalamich i would stay home and never leave,, cuz lots of cars have been crashing all over the place, and i might too, so i better stay home and lock myself there..

judging based on others experiences is the most annoying thing anyone would tell me to do, not all what happens to others are necessarily will happen to me.. well in the contrary here, alf al7emdillah most the ppl i know is living happy in there marriages w allah ytamim 3alihom inshallah, some were arranged marriages and some knew each other b4 marriage.. but that doesn't make me end up in a good marriage, unless its my destiny, and the opposite happened to u, we do our best and the rest is beyond our power or intelligence.
don't let the bad side of life gets to u.. there is always something good somewhere.

P.S. left you something in anony's place :P

Average.Q8i said...

You are divorcing us:(.

I think that you are old enough to know who is a good man, and who is not.
U went through alot of experiences o i think u can recognise the good and bad in people, so y worry:P?

Anony said...

Zonny on fire today ashoof ;p

ZoN said...

^^^

Ee cuz i don't feel like studying :P

3ad 7alilina khathina mokanich in this post :D

eleventhst said...

The divorce rate in this country is scary..It's sad how people see it as a way out without trying their best to work it out..

i know in some marriages, divorce is the only solution..but i really think most couples are getting divorces without even trying to make it work, or compromising BOTH ways..

and i think ppl jump into marriages too fast..seeing it as the next step or a way out of something..oo it shouldn't be the reason to get married..

Anonymous said...

3afya 3alaich,
layghronich,
choose wise,
to know ull be happy,
wait for the right person,
because whenever he comes,
it will be worth the wait.

Szczerbiec said...

Respect your future thoughts,
use them wisely.

Live your moment,
if its 2.00am on the 8th of June 2009, right now where i stand,
I would not like to waste it by thinking to myself "what the hell will happen at 1:00pm", cause it ain't important,
But marriage is.

the question is,
What makes u better to overcome what u see?

Candy said...

a very-thoughtful post forume..

i know someone that there is this gurl who waited from 26 till now she is 36 yrs old, she waited for a successful marriage,but there is no guy satisfied her marriage ambitions 2 marry him, so she thought oh am now 36 years old and am not married o ra7 3alay 8e6ar el zeft fa lazme a3ares b4 i step 2 ma forties..

guess wut? she married a guy that she might always find him as one of her surroundings and she didn't imagine she would have married him someday,..she lived in a very-cold marriage no 3a6effah at all..

o el mathal ele thabe7 banat hal youmain: ظل رجل ولا ظل حيطة

i would rather stay single instead of relating myself to a marriage ma7koom 3alaih bel fashal mn el bedaya..

saty single wala etdesheen eb 3ala8a mn bedaytaha misrable..

i agree with all wut u said.

Anonymous said...

I love the way u think.
I'll put my opinion later. me sleepy !

K.D said...

HAAA!

yea right!

til ugly do us apart my ass four .. me!

i'll kick you the nuts.. but i kno..

no hold on.. this was a totally different post!

sorry my bad..!

K.D said...

each person has its own story!
dont ever judge something through someone's else life... or some people.. or even the whole world!

live your own.. and do your best!
try to learn from other people mistake.. doesnt really work here!
you are dealing a with complete different human being.. who's trying merge into your life!
and will spend the rest of his life trying to!
once either of you forgets that fact.. and its gone baby gone!

you said you are educated.. with all do respect.. that post didnt really sound very... well.. i don wanna.. i just don wanna.. you hate me enough!

four.. me.. i wish ya all the luck girl!
but you aint thinkin straight friend!

Maitha* said...

In movies, they only show you how marriages are full of love and everything is great, or the exact opposite! and neither one are true.. no matter what anyone says marriage is all about compramise, and as single people that is extremely hard to comprehend because we never had to consider another person into everything we do before. From what I see and believe in, most successful marriages are when both parties compromise evenly.

The thing is, because of all this media, from collectivits we're turning into indvidualists.. i.e becoming more selfish... and thats also another reason!

No identity.. said...

Yes girl, you could not say it better … “don’t just give it a try … you give it all what you have” …For me I will rather be a happy single than miserable married or divorce … BUT at the same time we could never guaranty anything we only have to do our best to choose the right one…

Jack Ass said...

Well,Whether a marriage lasts or not depends on you and not the other person.U hv to make sure tat u are saying 'YES' for the right reason.

I see too many girls these days going behind
""hot-goodlooking-BUT-arrogant-egoistic-selfish-disrespectful-insecure-Asshole-Bastard""
Kinda guys.I have asked so many times "What on earth is this nice girl doing wid tat Son Of A Bitch" I mean this hapens coz the girls think this is "cool" or something.even thou they sense deep inside tat something is wrong they just supress it n hope for the best and take the plunge.It probably falls in the relm of Escapism.But more often than not they find themselves drowning.

I mean i hate it when people make it "cool" not to conform to rules and hate it even more when such behaviour is encouraged and upheld.

Âme said...

I see your concern as a single woman, who has hope in marriage and who is willing to try the impossible to make it work, if it happens.

I also see your observations of failures around you and its quite sensible that you are airing your concerns in this post.

Quite logical.

---

All what I have say, is select the right material, it may not look all that great or probably might.

I crystallize certain characteristics which the couple needs to have to make it a successful marriage.

1. Understanding and respecting each other
2. Good communication
3. An urge to know each other objectively.
4. Never go to bed without resolving an issue (if it is on)
5. Sticking to each other at all times

---

Rest all the expectations can be to be put to rest.

~ Soul

P.S: Will write a post on "expectations to put to rest before marriage", on my blog soon.

Âme said...

I must strongly agree with Jack A$$.

May I address you as JA ?

~ Soul

Anony said...

6eg 6eg

ya ahl el beet

Average.Q8i said...

I have an appointment here, Bess chinaa im too early :P.

Anony said...

enta shyaybek :O el wa3ad 10 :O

wait ana amahed el darb

Average.Q8i said...

LooooL, Ba3ad i am an advocate for the 'english time' saying :P.

I like being early to stuff:P.

Y3nee a6laa3 wela ag3ad ?

Anony said...

khalik mawjood :P yakhofe ehya matsahrefnaa


prepare ur speech :P

Anony said...

6eg 6eg

ya ablaaaaaaaaaa

3awzeenik henaa :P

3endena proposal for u, you might be interested

Average.Q8i said...

Ay speeech :P ?


Ana a9lllaaan madree 3an shnoo il topic?

Shnoo minee wel darb ?!



O mino il 7akam, I want to have time to ' idhan Saiira :P '.

Average.Q8i said...

Im goood At FOOTBALL:P.

European football, English Football:P.

Anony said...

laaaaaaaaaa mene bs bengolah ale fekraa ba3deen we set teh date and the topic

mako football sadegnyy etshotel li el mereekh :P

Anony said...

ur speech bel fekra :@ ana mara7 agolaha enta betgol ana bs bagol moqadema :P

Anony said...

enzain ehya shakelha mara7 etkon mawjoda .. qoolik na3reth 3aleeha el proposal wana nan6er? bs el fekra ya3ni?

Average.Q8i said...

I'll Shoot her to pluto:P.

U underestimated me in that statement :(.

Bess, I need to find a point where we disagree?
I cant find anything.

O the Speech magdoor 3alaih:P.



Shinoo hathaa she is late:P.

Average.Q8i said...

Ma fehamtich:P, Ana i dont minde an6er, ma 3endee mushkelaa :P .

Anony said...

ehya matadre :P ana kent bafaje'haa ya3ni :P usually ehya mawjooda :S bs sh7aaal 7ath ena ELYOOM she's not :S

wallahe ya 3azeezee ma wedi akaser meyadeefik men al7een :P bs el sara7a i know her and i know what is she capabel of! on the other hand i dont know you o ma3aref qodoratek :P

chan gedart etyeeb ras FourMe then 3afya 3alik ;p

Average.Q8i said...

ull see ;p.

U dont me, Thats the problem:P.

Bess, I took on big people in football:P.

football is my speciality :P.
Im considering management in future:P.

Anony, Im a specialist in the methology of Football:P.

Anony said...

hmmm

i only hope so!

enzain esma3ni .. shakelha mo yay .. fa nan6erha etha mayat, engolaha o we wait for her repond? wala enye wagt thani lama etkon mawjoda?

Average.Q8i said...

I dont mind:P.

Ma 3endee Mushkelaa, I can stay if u want to stay, and we can chat a little :P.

Kaiifech .. :P .. !!

Anony said...

i live here i dont stay :P

enzain enta fahamt lama getlik ena ana aslan mo gaylatlaha 3an el fekra wala eni bengolaha shay at 10PM kent baye o afaje'ha 3araft! .. thats why ehya mo mawjoda

so since when u've been reading her blog?

Average.Q8i said...

maybe at the ends of may:P.
What i know is that I skipped most of my studies in the sake of reading it :P.
O i was finishing it, at the Champions League Final, Which is something i dont normally do, but the urge of finishing it was itching me, So i did :P.

Anony said...

ahaaaaaaaaaaa :P

Average.Q8i said...

Intay shaklech from the beginning :P.

U knew her before the blogsphere, 3ala golatkum :P ?

O do u live in London too ?

Anony said...

taqreeban i knew her after 2 months since she started this blog and i've beein living her since then ;p .. and yeah from the blogsphere ;p


and no i dont live in london

Average.Q8i said...

mmm :P.

Madree Shagool :P.
U ask me questions :p.

Anony said...

emsaween 7alqat ta3aruf ?? :P

im gona call you Av or Ave . .cause mo 3ajebny average Qti you underestimated urself with that name .. sij ra7ema allah emre'en 3araf qadr nafseh but you could've came up with a better name .. more exciting one

Average.Q8i said...

Its exciting, i couldnt think of a better name :P.

Bess call mee whatever u want:P.


B3d madree a7acheech Bshnoo :P?

Anony said...

ta3al the play ground i dont tend to mess up serious posts :P ba3deen anzaf :P (A)

khal adawerlik esem .. habatlik asame el nas 3ala keefi o bema'ana emsaween ta7aluf fa im gona rename you :P

Anony said...

tawni astaw3eb eni mo garya the whole post !!! my stupid phone may6ale3li el post kamil :\

Average.Q8i said...

Kaiiifech :P.

Shno il ism ilee u chose it for me:P?

Anony said...

ta3al my playground = chatbox :@ under the twitter thing menaak enaqesh el mawtho3

Jack Ass. said...

Mr Ame.No problemo.U call me JA..

FourMe said...

zon:
2 kilos :p daaamn i forgot to email u the list :/ so sorry zon but honestly my memory is goneeee!

yaah yaah ya baakhty 3alaa hal aghany e6ayba, tara aste7y chethy *blushes*

its not about judging its just about being realistic.. tshoof el3moom ga3d y9eer fy chethy it gets u thinking.. ya3nii hal awadim eshzenhom ma yn3abon.. adri kil shay maktoob bs ygoolik el7athar wajib, wila gelt'ha ghala6 :p
==

R:
im not talking about blaming who and who's wrong or right, its about actual numbers and you see people giving up so quickly.. people don't bother anymore.. plus cheating has become a thing that both spouses do! it is scary as hell!

thank you dear :)
==

average:
hehehe yes I'm divorcing you all :p
==

11thst:
I agree sometimes divorce is a blessing but in most cases its being used as a way out as if they are breaking of a relationship not a marriage! definitely they are.. you see people knowing each other a month and then they're married! like hello?! get to know each other first then get blasted married not jump into it blindly then say ohh we didnt know each other!
==

anonymous:
honestly I don't care if he comes or doesn't.. to me marriage is something sacred and to be taken damn seriously, its not something that one can be spontaneous about..
==

szczerbiec:
I am one of those who do not give a damn about 1pm cuz I know for a fact that the next second is not guaranteed let alone couple of hours..i take everything as it comes.. yet it doesnt hurt to be cautious and think matters thoroughly..
==

candy:
thanx dear..
walaaa thol 6ofaa wla rayaal! that saying pisses the hell out of me! Its only weak women that say that, you don't need a man to be successful and happy in life! ako ryayeel 7araam yngal 3anhom reyayeel..chba7 reyayeel ee wala chbaa7

FourMe said...

anonymous:
:)
==

Kdd:
okay what's pissing you off? this is not your usual self!

what in God's green earth are you talking about? so being cautious and taking in factors from society and observing how people deal with their marriages is uneducated? wait what has education has to do with it in the first place?

I know each case differs and no two relationships are alike.. trust me on this one I don't base my life on anyones experiences.. and if this blog wasn't so public I would of proved to you what I'm saying and how I do things differently..
==

maitha*:
ohh i can compromise when my heart and soul is in it I become more of a reasonable person and i drop this attitude I have and become a wise woman..

ohh I so blame those black and white Egyptians movies and American 1950s movies for making me think love is dandy and beautiful and it doesn't hurt!!
==

no identity:
i know nothing is for sure but better safe than sorry..
==

Jack ass:
I have a feeling I know you, do I ? cuz you sound like someone..

If a marriage lasts depends on both parties, its not one man job there are 2 people in it and both have to make it work..

I know and they are damn fools!! marriage is not "cool" its a life commitment yet they fail to see that.. all they see is having someone that they can call 'hubby' and talk about their honeymoons and vacations they take! Hello it ain't a shopping spree! but you're preaching to airheads so let them live and learn the hard way..
==

ame~soul:
couldn't agree more on those 5 points.. specially the 4th one, if matters left hanging they will be taken into the next day and the day after that and so on till it creates bigger problems..
==

Anony + Average:
please feel free to turn bloggy into a dating service!

anony you paedophile :p