Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Lady Spinster - III



Welcome to My Spinsterhood!

Part I - Part II

The last reason why I don't see myself getting married any time soon. May god forgive me for what I am about to say. It is because I don't like children, I simply do not like them nor have the patience for them. I believe I lack the maternal instinct. Don't get me wrong when I see little tiny buggers I go all gogoo gagaa over them for about ten minutes and that is it. I don't yearn for a child nor to go through pregnancy let alone giving birth. I'm not cold hearted or anything like that. I would die before seeing a child getting hurt, even during prayers I pray god to protect every child in the world (very silly of me but I keep on thinking of all the inhumane acts that are inflicted upon those young souls). Many of you will say it will change once you have your own and you will change your mind etc.. Seriously NO I will not change my mind because never in my life have I felt that I want a child of my own.

Honestly I believe this world is a very very cruel place to live in, it can screw a person up within seconds, people are becoming more and more heartless and I don't recommend plant earth to anyone. So why should I bring a person into this world. If I'm given the choice then certainly I will not bring a person into this world. As much as there is beauty in it as much as there is pain in it, pain in all of its forms. I cannot for the life in me be responsible for putting a person through pain, even if this child was blessed with a happy perfect life still I cannot do it because one day it will feel pain and I will be responsible for its existence.

So not only I do not like children but I cannot bring one into this horrible world of ours. If life goes against my wishes and I end up married with a child, I know I will love it and protect it, and provide for it with my life. I would never be the type of mother that neglects her child. Still that does not mean I want one.

To sum it up I don't want to get married because of the bonding issues, marrying a stranger and allowing him to touch me, finding the right partner, not wanting children, and finally still not over 'him' and I doubt I will ever be.

I might wake up one day 20 years from now and regret this decision and say oh how I wish I had a husband to love me and be there for me and children that are a part of me and bring me joy. But you know what I made this decision and even if I do regret it then I would of done that to myself and no one is to blame for. This is my spinsterhood, this is my world, this is the life I have chose for myself..

And like I said a while ago..

I'd rather stay a 'spinster' and happy rather than married and unhappy!

38 comments:

Eulalia said...

You sing my tune, my friend...you sing my beautiful beautiful tune :*

Amethyst said...

Seriously?! Wow, I have days where I feel like wanting to be pregnant;p

Anonymous said...

Why on earth are females referred to as old maids or spinsters while cads are labeled as bachelors? I believe you can have children out o wedlock, another question: why are they called bastards/illegitimate if at least one parent acknowledges them? Don't want kids either, but I believe one may posses maternal instincts without having reproduced. I feel no less woman being childless or single – I may adopt in the future or be forced to bare a child out of compromise, no rush to do either.

Anonymous said...

:|

Anonymous said...

don't worry .. me and zwena will always pass by 3ashan ensaleech o enkhale e3yalna eyanenonich :P


on a serious note
i really wish you don't end up alone, a friend of mama she's in her 30's, an only child and her parents passsed away .. she's all alone now .. wala et3awer galbe! thak elyom she called mama and asked her to come over cause she wasnt feeling well .. wala Fourme wana awasel mama agool eb galbi i really hope Fourme wont end up this way! ..

enshallah u're always have ur love ones around you, whether they're family or friends

wish you all the best :*

o allah esahel 3alech darbech whatever ur decision was :)

FourMe said...

eulalia:
akhjaltom tawtho3na :*
==

amethyst:
in those days does it cross your mind of how you're gonna pass a watermelon size object through a needle hole?
==

Anonymous:
Society dear.. Apparently we're old hags and need a Man to approve our existence and label us worthy beings!

As for children out of wedlock I would have to object. I follow my religion and that is not accepted.
See that's one of the things I believe I lack the maternal instinct but I cannot see a child neglected or go through any kind of pain. I don't think its maternal instincts as much as it is being 'kind hearted'.

I believe people who are willing to adopt and raise children that are not of their own to be 'modern saints'. I would love to sponsor a child financial one day but as to bringing one up hmm maybe in my old age when I'm all alone I would consider it..
==

Anony:
I know I know you don't see my point :) Its ok I still adore you :*

FourMe said...

Anony:
ba3aad galbi you're adorable :**

sweetheart not everyone wants the same thing out of this life.. sometimes I do think that my beliefs are a bit out of the ordinary but that's how I am. If someone accepts me the way I am then 7ayah alaah to be in my life. If not I don't think I've lost anything..

Would you prefer that I bring a child into this world without wanting it? mo 7araam? shino thanba hal child.. these days people get married because its a process that everyone around them is doing.. then have children because that's the next step not because they really want a child or prepared for its upbringing..

I'm sure you've noticed so far that I'm not your typical type of girl.. So I'd prefer to take the rough track of life instead of the paved track..

Anonymous said...

But Anonymous, I am in my 30's, no damn man, no crying child but definitely not alone nor lonely. Nothing wrong with being a single woman by choice (although I sometimes wish I were a lesbian to justify the lack of decent males)

forme it does break my heart every time I see a child in the local clinic with the domestic helper sans mother (not even a nanny for crying out loud) or the chic mom who popped four kids or so and doesn't bathe them or put them to bed herself; let alone read them bedtime stories.. tsk tsk, wandering children at malls are another story; don't parents know about lurking pedophiles/child molesters. Why have kids for the sake of appearances?

I have always wondered about sperm donation if I truly desire a biological child (who knows)

Âme said...

Women, their wells and their generalizations.. sigh :(

~ Soul

Shoush said...

For some reason, i have a feeling u'll be married. With kids ba3ad. My feelings are not always reliable so u might be lucky.

Shoush said...

And welcome back! ;*

Delicately Realistic said...

Emmm....why r u deciding something that u have no say in ? You dont know what the future has in store for u.

Dont tell me that if somehow someday somewhere....mr right comes marching along....and sweeps u off ur feet.. that ull say no...? And when u do allow him to sweep u off ur feet ur not gonna have kids with him.

I know u feel this way so that u dont want to give urself false hope. But whats the harm in having a little hope?
Why not say i havent met the right person and when i will i surely will get married instead of saying im never getting married?

Oh...and every female (human or animal) has maternal instints, if u carried that little bugger in ur belly ur gonna have the maternal instincts of Mother Teresa ! Its how God made us. Of course there is an exception to every rule, but u dont seem to me as some kind of sick messed up psychopathic person.

Dont let me tell u stories about my cousin who hated kids so much that she used to torture them for fun. Im not joking. She used to turn her sisters kids upside down and shake them around like they were dolls when in fact they were only months old. Well she has a baby now....a baby that she actually wanted....and i dont need to tell u how maternal shes become.

That said. I am considered a 'spinster' by kuwaiti standards. I have refused numerous suitors, cuz im waiting for the right person and do not believe in rushing things just cuz im a little older.

A few days ago i heard news that one of my 40-something consultants got married ! I didnt even know that she was unmarried till then. I work in a profession where a large portion of the successful females are not married....and believe me lot of them actually do find a man, love and security after theyve matured and gotten to where they want in their careers.

Anonymous said...

fourme im not saying get married for the sake of getting married or have children bs 3ashan this is the next step after getting married !! HELL NO!

bs latsakreen el bab eb kobra! .. as you said etha ya el shakhs eli YOU will accept him and he will accepts you the way you are then why not.

and regarding children im 100% with you ... 7araam! walla 7aram eli enas ga3deen esawna now .. eyebon alf yahel o mayegderon ewafron lohom 7ayat zaina!

hathe 7ayaat shakhs beedek kil qarar ra7 etsawe is going to affect their life so unless the parents are 101% capable of taking care of another life that depends on them .. they should not bring a child to his word.

ppl now adays are going insane bring children to this world while the parents are still children !!


Anonymous
i took an example from life,i never said she's miserable because she's not married , she is because she have no one in life. you were blessed with having ppl around you, other ppl are not.

yemken wojood rayaal eb 7ayat hal mara mo el7al o mara7 ekhale 7ayat'ha akthar sa3ada! .. el idea ena she was alone! .. yemken lo kan 3endaha khwan, close family members chan masar 7alha chethy.

:)

Fourme i never thought you're my typical type of girl and neither i am :D

and i was chocked because you managed to post and have 3 comments o ana lil7een madre :(

Anonymous said...

sorry to say this bs i think ga3da ta36een el mawtho3 akbar men 7ajma! .. ya3ni etha sar el shay sar .. etha masar khalas allah mo katba!

maybe cause u're under a lot of pressure men hal na7ya ..

bs i dont see it a huge matter .. i have a bother and a sister, 31 and 30 and they're both not married o 3ade el wtah3 6abee3e 3endena :D

kil khwani lekbar are against the idea of marriage,kids and dont really wana get married .. yemken bs ana o zwena eli we're up for it :P


bel nehaya eli allah katba beseeer .. :)

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

fourme,
i know truly believe that youre my identical twin and that we were separated at birth.
seriously girl, the stuff i share in common with you is simply too scary!!
youre first paragraph has been repeated by me word for word for a long, long time! :)

and the last ofcorse! ;)

FourMe said...

Anonymous:
hehe finding the perfect man is very difficult but finding the perfect woman is an impossible job, so I say stick males..

Kids have become the latest accessory, some have children just because it is required by society and that's why you see them handled by the hired help.

That idea is quite tempting but then if one goes back to religion it is frowned upon as well..
==

Ame/soul:
Can't live with them and can't live without them.. How am I generalizing?
==

shoush:
hahaha you're feelings are off the chart this time.. thank you babe :*
==

del real:
True I have no say in fate or destiny aw ely maktoob bs I have an opinion and desires and wishes and plans for my future. Marriage and children are not part of the plan..

I found Mr. "Right", he marched into my life and took it over, he swept me off my feet, and need I say slammed me back to the ground.. (Still I did not want to have children with him when life was all dandy between us)..

No its not about false hope, it is about NOT wanting these things. People find it difficult to understand that I truely do not want this because it is so out of the 'ordinary' that we are used to..

I beg to differ!! There are women who are not psycho paths and have no maternal instinct what so ever.. They could see their child hurt right in front of their eyes and not even twitch.. I've seen this with SO many woman..

that's good you shouldn't cave in just because of your age.. waiting for a suitable match is quite important..

Are you forgetting our biological clock? Are the chances of a 40+ woman getting pregnant the same as a 20+? I'm already being told over and over that I'll dry up soon lol.. gotta love the phrases that they come up with..

If I ever to get married it would have to be to Mr. Right.. and seeing I've already found him (my soulmate) and lost him I really doubt I will find another one again.. Honestly how many Mr. Rights are we entitled to in our life time?? I truly believe I won't find my match and because of that I have sealed and shut the topic of marriage..

FourMe said...

Anony:
I closed the door because I just told del real above why. because I believe I found the only person I ever considered being married to and that would never happen again..

Don't get me started on the whole lets bring children and let the nannies raise them topic..

trust me I hate talking about marriage because I tend to get frustrated because people don't accept my reasons and keep on saying no no you will change your mind! No I will not change my fucking mind, mabi atzawaaaj mo gha9ib yaah!! dear elmo9eeba try convincing people why you're 27 and refusing marriage while you keep on getting proposed to while some girls mo em7a9leen rob3 rayal.. hatha ghair the constant nagging.. maskeen my mom e6la3at ro7ha w ehy et7in tabeeny atzwaaj.. it breaks my heart to see her wanting me to do this bs I can't and would never do it without being 100% convinced..

you're slipping anony no commenting awal wa7da wla shay 9ayra kilish mo imdarda7a :p
==

dandooon:
yaaaay twinity.. how could we be twins if I was born 7 years before you :/
If you really share the same beliefs as me then people around you will let you say what you want for the time being, but wait till you graduate then see how much you're gonna get screwed.. 7ada heads up!

Silver said...

i have a rly close friend of mine, her aunt lives with her cuz shes not married and doesn't have any kids. although ehya mo ga9irha shay o shes very happy il7imdilla, she always seems to be longing for something, especially when shes holding someone's baby. Its natural to feel that way. "Almal walbanoon zeenat il7aya". BUT! money comes first!;p and frankly babe, i agree with u;;p

FourMe said...

silver:
some people mayehom n9eeb and they're the type that probably wanted to get married and have the whole ordeal.. those ey3awroon elgalb I know quite a few chethy and I really feel sorry for them because I can see how much they wanted it bs alaah ma ketab..

3ala goltich elmal gabil elbanoon.. and if children were more important they would of came first.. w0hoo I'm finding more and more girlie's that agree with me :)

Squirreliya said...

Allaah yaktiblich eli feeh el khair :)


oh, and welcome back!

likeairillrise said...

Do whatever makes you happy. Don't let the world tell you what is "supposed" to make you happy :)

Viva la spinsterhood! :)

Desert Girl said...

Dear BACHLORETTE,

Single and female is not a bad thing. You HAVE a choice! Look at Oprah.

Life is full of surprises. You never know....

I don't particularly like dirty, smelly, noisy, bacteria-spreading little people either. If I met the right man, he might change my mind.

Don't worry about society or environment - live your life to the fullest. If you squash your dreams to make others happy, your life will be full of regrets.

Lots of luck, my friend!

Fashionated said...

not every1 is meant for marriage..society sees women as wife/mother and ppl have a hard time dealing with single women cause they don't fit in a neat label

again not every woman is meant to be a mother this whole mother instinct is a myth not all girls have it..not sure if u've read "the awakening" by kate chopin but ur post reminded me of edna

this is a long comment and i apologize :p

"I'd rather stay a 'spinster' and happy rather than married and unhappy!"

Âme said...

Can live with them and can live without them :)

Balance is essential.

If there are no good men in your well, go check out other wells.

This rant about spinsterhood is filled with generalizations and bitter opinions.

Why being a spinster in a particular well, when good experiences can be found in other wells.

Its one life and its YOUR decisions..YES or NO (conscious or forced) you see that will affect your life.

So, why not make better balanced choices than playing at extremes.

Its not wise.

Ultimately, one will die foolishly. What a waste of life !!

~ Soul

Anonymous said...

fourme he wasn't your soulmate because simply put he didn't stick around for the whole ride, the universe complies with the messages we give out, if you doubt finding another guy chances are the universe won't provide him. Why should love always end with marriage, many successful relationships don't have to be sealed with that piece of paper. No need to give excuses to why you want to remain single, it's none of anybody's god damn business, jesus o uhma shakoo – do what ever pleases yourself

purelyorchid said...

It's your decision and I guess you have your reasons for wanting what u want...I might sound naive when I say this, but I really hope u find ur mr. perfect because if the passed mr. perfect was so right he wouldn't have "and need I say slammed me back to the ground"... I don't know what happened with that experience, but as far as I'm concerned u can have as many mr. perfects as u want... take care hun;*

FourMe said...

squirreliya:
inshala.. thank you dear :)
==

iRise:
I am I keep on refusing and sticking to what I want even though it angers everyone around me.. you said it ;)
==

desert girl:
Exactly I don't see it as so bad.. don't need a bloody man to make me happy.. hahahha ya I'm not so fond of the little buggers too..

cheers darling..

FourMe said...

fashionated:
exactly I don't believe everyone is marriage quality.. some people are up for it while others are not.. haven't read it, hope she's not a psychopath :p

you know that's quite right it is a myth! Not all women are born to be mothers in the sense of nurturing and protecting their lumps of joy.. this is no where near a long comment.. I demand a longer one next time :)
==

Ame/soul:
I'm not the type and that does the searching, I wait for them to drop in my lap :)

Its not a rant, I'm stating my reasons for choosing to be a "spinster".. True balance is vital but the criterias of balance differ from one person to the other because each perceive life in a different way. What you see as an extreme I see as normal and vice versa.. There is no one way of living life and enjoying it, each makes their own life and fill it with different components.

Are you insinuating that if one does not marry he/she have wasted their life? Look who's generalizing now.. Each wants a different outcome of life..
==

Anonymous:
Honestly I don't care for finding the next one. He might of not been my soulmate because he wasn't there till the end but he was as close as a soulmate could get. hehehe because people don't accept the fact that not everyone wants the same outcome of life and that's why you gotta give them reasons for it and STILL they say they're not acceptable..
==

purelyorchid:
Not naive at all, some people believe you can have more than one perfect match whereas I'm the type that believes that there is only 1 perfect person for you. keeping in mind the when I say perfect that he's an extremely compatible match to you because there is no such thing as a perfect being.. thank you dear :)

Âme said...

Facts cannot be distorted based on reference frames.

How ever relative, there is an origin defined.

And an extremity is such a point, it causes negative (not harmonious with nature) effects more than the positive.

You can state now and realize later.

What a person thinks he becomes.

If you think you cannot be happy, you cannot be happy.

~ Soul

Eschew Obfuscation said...

Hmm... OK! This is a bit off-topic, but I am intrigued and would like to indulge my curiosity. So I read a couple of your posts and my analytical sense tells me you're a grad student and, might I dare say, not in Kuwait, with some emphasis on political sci.?

This is what I got from the fact that you mentioned the physiotherapist is younger than you, and they have to be atleast 22! Also because when you mentioned Niccolo Machiavelli's The Prince, you hinted at the fact that you are late in having to have read it.

Hehe I know, I know! Im anal when it comes to analyses! Plus you mentioned having to write a thesis with graphs and stats :r

You can shoot me now. No, wait! Lab equipment is expensive, I'd hate for a bullet to hit a spectrophotometer :P ... Care to wait a couple of hours for when i get off?

FourMe said...

Ame/soul:
As long as you think such beliefs are extreme you won't see my point. Or anyones point of view if it goes against the 'norm' as you perceive it.

I know in couple of years it is possible that I would realize I am wrong but hey no one makes the right choices all the time.

and back we go to the question of does happiness exist? I do believe I can be content without marriage and the whole package that comes with it..

FourMe said...

eschew obfuscation:
Damn I've been analysed to the bones.. if you went back in the archives you would of got more details..

22+5=Me .. MA in IR to be exact, in the process of rapping it up hence the thesis and the damned graphs..

Its ok my beretta is loaded and ready, just let me know when you're out of the lab.. nothing cheers me up more than watching a man run for his life..

Oh and enough with the analysing I feel so exposed already..

Eschew Obfuscation said...

Exposed? But I still havent checked your reflexes :P ...
Run for my life, eh? ... Well it wont be the first time a man ran away from a woman ;) .... If you dont mind my asking, where are you rapping up that cursed thesis?

Big Pearls said...

I think everything changes when you find the one right person for you..I'm a bit like you when it comes to having children..I feel I am not ready and take their responsibility heavily...I can't stop wondering when the time will be right for me..will it ever be right..or should I just go for it!

FourMe said...

Eschew:
Leave my reflexes alone! hahahaa well said.. The land of the proud, England..
==

Pearly:
Ahh the damned right person again.. wala pearly I doubt I will but then who knows.. as for children they are a big no no :/

Âme said...

I wouldn't say its the norm.

However, the focus is not to sway extremes.

I and many other did sway extremes and realized the importance of balance.

My point of discussing this is to try to present another perspective.

~ Soul

Vixen said...

;*** *huuuuuug* ..... i like you. i like this post. : )

FourMe said...

vixen:
hehe thank you dear *Hug* :*