Can't be bothered to link Part I. If you want to read it go look for it in previous posts yourself..
Since a young age I never believed in the importance of having a man in my life. Within my family I was and still am the dependant one and the one that people can rely on for what ever matter. They know I can handle and deal with whatever situation thrown at me.
I believe that is why I don't see the importance of marriage. Of course there are many variables of it that should be taken into consideration. But in general I don't believe that it is a must.
Honestly I don't know how I can make you understand how it works and makes sense in my mind. I'll try and put it through as much as I can. There are 2 main factors in marriage as I see it. One is the bonding and having a person there for you 'till death do you apart' and sharing life with each other. Second is the sexual factor and the ability to build a family and have children.
The Aunts believe I have a fear of being committed to one person for the rest of my life. I have no problems with commitment I can be as committed as one can get. I am beyond faithful when I'm with someone to the extant that I don't even allow my brain to have thoughts of others, even if its just a person passing by on the street.
I know I have a complicated mentality, my beliefs and values stick with me till the grave and I won't change them. Not because I'm stubborn (which I am) but when I believe something is right then it is RIGHT even if I'm proven wrong, as long as it makes sense up there then that's all I need, I don't need it to be validated by any other being. This is one thing that I am not willing to compromise. In all the time I spent being in relationships no one managed to understand this thing except the 'soulmate'. We had an understanding to agree on disagreeing. All the others tried to 'change' me. I know there is a possibility of me finding someone that can have the same understanding as the soulmate did but honestly I am not willing to try and find that person.
I would NEVER NEVER NEVER have an arranged marriage for couple of reasons. First is the understanding and the compatibility. I will NOT spend time with a person that allowed himself to get married to a complete stranger. If a person has such mentality then definitely we will not click. Yes I know that's what engagements are for and 'time to get to know one other' is for but I simply refuse the whole concept of it.
I believe if you haven't tried something then you can never miss it. One of the arguments that many have tried to convince me with is that "Don't you want to get laid?" (Forgive the bluntness). Now I really can't miss something that I haven't experienced. Fair enough it is an important factor but it is one that I have lived without and quite positive can live without it for many years to come.
Back to the arranged marriage, I can NEVER NEVER allow a person that is a total stranger to me to touch me. Just because a piece of paper says that it binds us together it does not give him the right to do so in my mind. Some say that I must be frigid to have such mentality, while others tell me that with 'the 3eshra' you would ease into it. Sorry won't do and would never even consider the thought.
Now my latest objection to marriage is that I am still in love with the 'soulmate'. And this has become a new obstacle in this matter because I would never be able to sleep next to one man while having an other on my mind. It is quite hypocritical to do so and on offence to those who have done so, but I would never be able to. I consider it a form of cheating on the newly acquired husband.
p.s. If the post sounds incoherent that is because I am not feeling well at all..
Note: I am not trying to convince anyone with my views. This is how I perceive the matter plus there is the 3rd part and the most crucial to understanding why I don't want to get married. I am not trying to convince anyone with what I believe and I said it over and over again that this is how I see it and believe it. Just to make it clear if it was stated in Islam that I MUST get married and it is put in the words that I MUST then I would probably will. There is no where as far as I know in the Quran that it says that if you don't get married it is considered a sin. So I would appreciate people understanding that I am not showing the pro's and con's here I'm simply putting through my view of it. Didn't I tell you most of you would see my justification of the matter as not acceptable :)