Wednesday, 18 June 2008

Lady Spinster - I


Welcome to my Spinsterhood!

Defination of
Spinster:
a woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying.

Dare I ask; What is the usual age of marriage?

This topic will be discussed in 3 parts. If you're not interested in reading further more pass by in couple of days.

As most of you know I'm 27 (damn!! Still can't believe it) and the question that lingers in everyone's mind around me is that why doesn't FourMe want to get married!? From the age of 16 I started getting marriage proposals every couple of months. Apart from that every man I've been in a relationship with has proposed marriage and I kept declining. Back then, mom did the refusing part for me until I get my degree, she would never allow me to marry without a degree. I got my first degree in Dec 2003 and since then its been downhill with this topic.

My 2 aunts who I consider 2nd mothers nag about this topic more than my mother, even during my studies they wanted me to get married. They used to get so angry that I kept declining 'the good candidates' the doctors, engineers, lawyers, businessmen you name it they've proposed.

The thing is I always used my education as an excuse to get them off my back because when I discuss the real reasons behind me not wanting to get married they get upset and kicks off the royal rumble of screaming, shouting, accusing me of being an idiot and have an unconventional outlook on life. In their eyes and the eyes of society in general; if you think outside of the box you must be demented.

There is no law that requires me to get married and have children. Yes adri hathy senat el7ayat and Elmal wil Banoon Zenat el7ayat edenya (Notice children came in second hence they are not a necessity). So it is NOT a must.

Maybe my reasons don't seem feasible to my family or whoever hears them But in my head they do make sense and that's what counts. I don't need them to make sense to other people seeing If I decide to get marry I am the one who will be committed to the man not my mother, not my aunts, and certainly not society. I'd rather stay a 'spinster' and happy rather than married and unhappy!

Stay Tuned..

25 comments:

Âme said...

Why is there an assumption that unhappiness is a synonym for marriage ?

When happiness doesnt exist, so does unhappiness as its the mirror of the first.

So, if unhappiness is perceived, happiness may also be perceived.

~ Soul

Âme said...

Usual age of marriage is when you understand marriage is necessary for understanding love, responsibilities (and their friends associated with them).

There is no number associated with the right age of marriage.

Its a phase, which is necessary for higher elevation.

The odds that it would turn into a disaster have increased in the recent past, however, invariably, marriage still continues to be important.

Real love is experienced over time when living with each other.
Sacrifice is an important element of love.

You may probably not understand about children until you have your own.

People try crudely to get you married, but did anybody really helped you understand why marriage is so important in human life.

Well, the probability of getting an understanding partner is exceedingly getting less these days, yet, we stay hopeful, neither getting too excited nor too distasteful about it.

Its all about UNDERSTANDING the concepts right.

We all know what we know.
Trying to understand something superior which we dont know, is all what counts.

I wish you good thinking.

~ Soul

Ansam said...

I know what you mean... you will get married when you are ready inshalla :-)

Soul said...

totally agree with ~soul.

Big Pearls said...

so what are ur reasons? don't get married until u feel ready.

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

as i was saying before stupid idiotic blogger decided to go cuckoo,

i think marriage is over-rated!! ya3ny i know its an important aspect of life o sennat el7aya like you said and all that jazz, bs i dont think enna its a NECESSITY....as in if it comes, good. and if it doesnt, then im not going to spend my life wallowing in self-pity

my mom is just like yours and doesnt want me to get married till i graduate, so shes doing the rejection thing for me. bs once i graduate, i know things are gonna be terrible. its not that im against getting married, but i dont think i should get married just cz everyones doing it wl salam. i need to find the right person, o i have very high standards and im not prepared to compromise at all. mo dala3 wla '3roor bs laish atnazal 3n shay to get married if i can stay single and do it ie laish a3atheb nafsy?

when i tell my mom this, she says ill understand when i get older, and watch all my freinds as they get married o ana ag3ad broo7y. maybe shes right, but chances are shes not. not with me atleast. im single - not debilitated! she says shoofay flana o 3elana kahom single, u think theyre happy?? maybe not, but i choose not let my life revolve around finding a husband and getting married and having kids o 5alas, but they do. and ofcorse, lets not forget the beautiful pressure from our wonderful society. bs then again, i see some other people in killer routine marraiges, or people who got married too young cz 5afaw y3ansoon and ended up with complete idiots. o ofcorse eli 5ayfeen ye6alagoon 3shan la ygoloon 3anhom m6ala8a

i suppose wat im trying to say is simply that mo kil wa7ed married as happy, just like mo kil wa7ed single is miserable. its how you choose to look at things, and what you decide to make out of your life. you can choose to make to make this the center (and sometimes goal) of your life, like a necessity. or you can choose to make it an accessory. i choose the latter :)

sorry etha 6awalt wayed :)

(ps: cant wait for the next posts!)

Amethyst said...

27 isn't spinster yet;p

ZaMaHReeR said...

i agree with u..
sometimes ppl have reasons wouldn't make sense to the rest of the world except themselves..
to make it short.. I AGREE WIZ YA

FourMe said...

ansam:
Its not about getting married, its about not being convinced of the whole concept.
==

Soulo:
Now that's a first :p
==

pearly:
2 main reasons will explain them in posts to come..
==

dandooon:
heheh go cucko as much as you want dear :)

Exactly dear you shouldn't lower your standards BUT there is no such man as the perfect man or the man of your dreams so ya compromises are necessary not dramatic compromises but maybe just little ones.

salfat tg3deen ebro7ich and friends gettin married that's just 7achy fathy that mothers say thinking that they would make you jealous so you say yes to the first suitor.

dear you are more than welcome to leave comments as long as the River Thames :p
==

amethyst:
Apparently I'm on the verge oh and " I'm drying up " LOL!
==

zamahreer:
Sank you sank you :)

zwena said...

*sings ana albi daleli 2ali 7at7ebi*

..

6al

FourMe said...

Ame/Soul:
Its not I'm just saying that if I get married for the wrong reasons I will be miserable.

Complete euphoria doesn't exist but the ability to live day to day life without having a frown on ones face, that is considered happiness.

In the society we live in 30 is considered the age of which a woman becomes a 'spinster'. The chances of a woman in her 30's getting married are far less than the chances of a woman in her 20's.

Have you seen the rates of divorce these days its scary! Anyway that's not the issue.

I beg to differ, love can be experienced without living with a person. p.s. you sound like my mother..

Dear I don't need people to explain to me what marriage is and how it functions and all its variables! Honestly I explain to my friends who are about to get married what marriage is about and how they should embrace it. So I do know the importance of marriage.

Not trying to understand the unknown, simply putting through my thoughts and how I perceive certain topics.

:::ShoSho::: said...

One thing i always say, is that a woman can marry anytime she wants and have children even in her 50 is she can.. look at nicole Kidman she is not pregnant with her first child what's wrong with that?

But may I ask, those men you were in a relationship with, why did you decline the offers? i mean, if you were in already in it? Is it something about marriage itself OR something was wrong with the men?

and I so agree with the last line. sometimes you are better off in your parents' house..

:::ShoSho::: said...

I mean now NOT not lol

FourMe said...

shosho:
She can marry but what are the chances of it? Realistically cham wa7da eb her 40's aw 50's (etkon bent mo mtzawja min gabil) etzwaaj ? That's the western mentality that believes elwa7da tgdar etzwaaj at whatever age and have children..

As for the children nature takes it course and it becomes more and m0re difficult to get pregnant.

At the time it was the idea of marriage plus they weren't the type that I'd see myself with for life.

Faseela said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fastidious Babe said...

Marriage is a big commitment.. and a person has to be ready... completely so.. in order to handle the responsibility.. ofcourse.. we all need a lil nudge.. i know it took my mom a whole lotta pushin to get me into the "GOLDEN CAGE" lol

but really.. when the right person comes along.. istekheeree.. and see how it goes.. if it works it works.. if not.. then its not meant to be.. I mean don't just say no for the sake of saying NO!

and tell them to stop nagging cuz you're the one who will have to spend the next 27+ years of ur life with that person.. and thats alotta time!


okay wayed tkallamt..lol xx

Silver said...

I'd rather stay a 'spinster' and happy rather than married and unhappy!

7dddddddddee i agree..!!
o 7bebte...kil ta25era laha 5era. ;)

Ruby Woo said...

I hate it when people assume that happiness is associated to marriage. It can be quite the opposite. People think that we are meant to get married, that it's a set goal that people have to achieve.

People can stay single and achieve a hell lot more than what married people do. So happiness has nothing to do with marriage.

As you said, stay single and be happy rather than being married and unhappy!

I salut u.. *standing ovation*

Squirreliya said...

u'll be my qedwa from now on :D

Squirreliya said...

oh btw, killish ma tewaqa3t u r 27 mashAllah ..el3omer killa ;)

FourMe said...

fastidious babe:
Exactly it is huge commitment and should not be entered when one is not prepared nor 100% ready to embrace such change..

I'm saying NO because I am against the whole concept not for the sake of just saying no. Mommie backed off but the aunts will never back off till they get me hitched :/

don't be silly that's a short comment compared to what I get here :p
==

silver:
I so agree with my own quote :p true.. etha maktobly n9eeba bakhtha gha9ban 3alay whether I like it or not..

btw mith you :*
==

WooWoo:
Very true. They think the second you get married you will live in 'happily ever after' which need I say does not exist. You know what, I believe it is the fault of those who make marriage seem so grand. When in reality they are trying to portray the 'perfect marriage' where such does not exist!

Thank you dear :)
==

squirreliya:
hehehe la dear find someone that believes in the fairytale so they have a good influence on you, whereas I will influence you to stand out of the herd and be your own person .. thank you dear for the moral boost :)

thanx hun, how old did you think I was?

Âme said...

Frogs of one well seem to have similar observations and similar opinions of those observations.

There are other wells and other observations, which might be rare in their well.

Whatever be the observations, bias never contributes to a good conclusion.

Marriage seems to be necessary because the experiences inside it are quite very difficult to be experienced out of it.

Coward who is an idiot, is a perfect example of the one who would dodge problems.

~ Soul

:::ShoSho::: said...

FourMe I know.. it's not as easy getting pregnant when you're older but I don't know, I don't like it when people make us feel like we have a ticking clock!
BTW, men also have one.. their errrm, swimmers aren't the same as when they are younger.. ehm.. and they take that pill.. I can't believe i said that (ya3ni mo2adaba lol).. yet people concentrate on women more!

Elegant Chic said...

Hello Fourme!
I understand your situation very well as I am going through the same. More than parents, our relatives are eager to irritate us with this topic. One of my relative told my mom "Why have you let out your daughter free/loose?" As if letting a wild animal free from captivity! It's really disgusting by the way they talk.

After you get married, then the next thing they irritate you is with "Are you expecting?...blah blah blah". And it goes on...

Don't even bother about these much. It's easy to say, but we have to move on. Enjoy each and every moment of your life!

FourMe said...

Ame/Soul
I don't like frogs they are slimy and scare me with their eyes :p
==

shosho:
neither do I, I hate the feeling of knowing I have a certain deadline. But that is reality whether we like it or not we do have a biological clock that at one points stops ticking. Unfortunately that is reality.

hehehhehe morons o ham lehom 3ain eygoloon its all our fault when its their thingys who have given up :p
its ok no one is looking you can say such things LOL plus we're both over the legal age here ;)
==

elegant chic:
Hello dear :)
I know its the relatives who nag more! I get the referring of being too open minded and free thing and it bothers me. Its as long as I'm not doing anything wrong and my close family know it ,I don't care about the rest!

Its a never ending cycle of nagging.. oh god I can just imagine the nagging over children. I get it now lol they keep on asking me don't you want to have children! I'm like let me get the man first, usually it goes in that order! :p

That's what I'm doing but sometimes the talk bothers.. guess gotta live with it :)